Whodunit? Call on Perry Mason to Solve ‘Case of Author’s Misspelled Name’

You can almost hear Perry Mason shouting, “Objection!” The folks in Ventura are honoring Erle Stanley Gardner, the city’s most famous author and the creator of the “Mason” series.

But handbills for the event committed the misdemeanor of misspelling Gardner’s first name (see accompanying).

By the way, my colleague Steve Chawkins can’t understand why Ventura hasn’t also named a road for Mason’s secretary. You know, Della Street.

Powerless Kings: I heard ethics commentator Michael Josephson of KNX-AM (1070) criticize the Los Angeles Kings for showing brutal collisions and fistfights on Staples Center screens during games. I agree.

And seeing how the team once again failed to make the National Hockey League playoffs, I think it would be more appropriate for Staples screens to show an excerpt from the movie “Dragnet.” It’s the one where Joe Friday (Dan Aykroyd) says of L.A.: “Sure, the city isn’t perfect. We need a smut-free life for all our citizens, cleaner streets, better schools and a good hockey team.... “ Words that ring as clear as the year the movie was released: 1987.

Mixed signals: Some businesses whose declarations might cause customers to do a double take (see accompanying) include:

* A shop whose hours are unofficial (from Ruth Hartman of Oxnard)

* A store that has invented the eight-day week (Jeri Taylor of Indio)

* And an eatery that may or may not be always open (Dorothy Perry of Pacific Palisades)

Perry Mason didn’t need anyone else: I mentioned here that the Westside law firm of Berger, Kahn, Shafton, Moss, Figler, Simon & Gladstone had shortened its name to Berger Kahn. A couple of readers were reminded of the joke about the guy who phones the law firm of Smith, Smith and Smith.

“Can I speak to Mr. Smith,” he asks the receptionist.

“I’m sorry,” she responds, “Mr. Smith’s on vacation.”

“Very well,” the caller says, “let me speak to Mr. Smith then.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replies. “Mr. Smith’s out sick today.”

“OK, then, let me talk to Mr. Smith,” the caller says.

“Certainly,” she responds, “I’ll put you right through.”

miscelLAny: Summer, which is school reunion time, is approaching, so I bring you this squib from writer Larry Gelbart (the creator of the “M*A*S*H” TV series) in TV Guide:

“Neil Simon talked about an old high school classmate and the guy -- he didn’t have a clue -- said, ‘I’m in insurance. What are you up to?’

“Neil said, ‘I write.’

“The guy said, ‘Yeah? Get anything done?’

“Neil said, ‘Well, about 30 plays.’

“And the guy said, ‘I should have done that.’ ”

(Me? I oughta be in pictures.)

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.