Pitching the Recall: California Politics Meets ‘Survivor’

The questions kept coming, not just from friends and readers, but national media.

Hey, Steve, are you really running for governor of California?

After two weeks of discussions with my family, I’ve finally come to a decision. I am dropping my candidacy, and will become an actor instead.

True, I have no more acting experience than Arnold Schwarzenegger has political experience. But when seasoned pros are making movies like “Gigli,” only the fresh eye of an outsider can save the industry.

Before making the leap to entertainment, I’d like to make a few observations about politics, now that Arnold has announced on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” that he’s running.

It’s hard not to keep going back to that thought, isn’t it? If Arnold gets elected, we may have to tune in to David Letterman to watch him roll out his budget plan, or Oprah to hear what he’s got in mind on education.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so cynical. Some people seem to think that the recall of California Gov. Gray Davis signals a stirring deep in the restless souls of well-informed voters, and that it could bring a new age of political awareness and participation.

Hogwash.

Sure, there are good, solid reasons to revile Gray Davis. But his worst sins -- a lack of courage and conviction, and not a scintilla of leadership ability -- were evident long before he was reelected nine months ago. (Lest anyone forgot why they despised him, Davis raced off to Chicago this week to shamelessly hit up union bosses for $10 million).

But there wouldn’t be a recall, or even a discussion of one, if not for a fringe political character financing the petition drive from his personal fortune. And having an action hero enter politics on late-night TV -- by regurgitating stale lines from meatball movies -- might not be an improvement on the democratic process.

What we’re witnessing is not a civic awakening, but a further descent into the hellfires of modern society. The worst elements of politics, media and pop culture have converged to deliver a lurid spectacle, rife with candidates who seem plausible only because our standards have sunk so low.

I was sorry to see the great legislative visionary and recall backer Darrell Issa vote himself off the island, but we’ve still got Bill Simon Jr., Arianna Huffington and Schwarzenegger testing the outer limits of self-esteem. No wonder bottom feeders like Gary Coleman, Larry Flynt and Angelyne want to join in the fun -- they’ve got as much experience as any of the others.

I made the always-dangerous mistake of turning on local TV news Wednesday and saw a sumo wrestler in an athletic supporter charging around his backyard like a bull in heat. I thought it was a promo for another reality show until he announced his candidacy for governor.

If this was supposed to be a political revolution, why does it look like a freak show?

You can forget any hope of intelligent discourse with Arnold in the race, because the national and international media will swoop in to gawk at all the carnies, rehash every California cliche and flood the airwaves with Arnoldisms like “Hasta la vista, baby.” And local TV news, where the majority of people get their news, will not be far behind.

Schwarzenegger’s supporters argue that he’s a legitimate candidate on the basis of his success in business, and as an immigrant who epitomizes the potential for anyone who matches hard work with opportunity.

Let’s give this a moment’s thought:

The guy allegedly used steroids to win bodybuilding championships, parlayed it into a career in an industry that has lowered the national IQ, opened a restaurant and bought a few buildings.

So now he’s ready to lead the way on water policy, agriculture and health care?

Arnold is the perfect candidate for a celebrity-obsessed, know-nothing populace, and having been in movies so long, he may actually believe any problem in the world can be solved in two hours and five minutes.

Arnold said we need a leader we can trust, and yet he may have misled everyone into believing he would bow out and throw his muscle behind former L.A. Mayor Dick Riordan, who actually has a little bit of experience. Riordan was reportedly stunned by the betrayal, and one of his advisors said it felt like being mugged.

The backstabbing scene was played out more than once Wednesday. Democratic Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante broke ranks and decided to run against Davis, with more Democrats sharpening their knives.

Meanwhile, Michael Huffington felt stabbed in the back by his ex-wife’s candidacy because he apparently wanted to be the only underemployed millionaire in the family to save California.

Yes, they should all duke it out in a televised “Survivor”-type free-for-all, with contestants eating worms and viewers dialing in their votes.

I’d like to be a part of it, but Hollywood calls. For more details, look for my formal announcement on the “Ricki Lake” show.

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Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes.com.