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A Letter to Lawmakers -- Just Clip and Send

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger needs our help.

As he said in San Diego Tuesday, he knows we’re probably busy with holiday shopping and whatnot. But the new governor pleaded with us to take a few minutes and write or call our legislators, asking them to support his budget-fixing plan.

As a public service, I decided to go ahead and write the letter for those of you who just don’t have a spare moment. All you’ve got to do is clip it, address it and send it.

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Dear Assemblyman/Sen.:

Do I have your undivided attention?

Good.

First off, you have no idea how lucky you are that we didn’t recall you, too.

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You think we’re not wise to what you and your flunky colleagues are up to in Sacramento? All you know how to do is spend, spend, spend. And then to pay the bills, you tax, tax, tax, just like Arnold said.

Well guess what, pal. There’s a new sheriff in town, and he’s a man of action, action, action. So if we don’t see an end to “business as usual” -- and I mean fast -- Arnold’s Army will have you all busted down to part-timers.

What’s that? You’re not convinced Arnold has our unflagging support?

Then chew on this:

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He declared war on special interests, then invited special interests to bring their checkbooks to a Sacramento bash in his honor, and we were blind.

He promised to be a political outsider, then introduced an endless string of insiders, and we were deaf.

He said he wouldn’t raise a nickel’s worth of campaign cash, then raked in $12 million just as a warmup, and we were dumb.

Do I make myself clear?

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The Terminator is Untouchable.

He said he’d balance the budget by eliminating waste and fraud, but couldn’t find any.

He guaranteed he wouldn’t cut education, then proposed spending caps that would deliver a blow to schools.

He trashed former Gov. Gray Davis for not getting more low-income kids into a health care program, then proposed freezing enrollment in the program.

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And we still love him.

Unless Arnold gets caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy, as another governor once said, he’ll be golden with us.

He’s begun making cuts that will hurt the poor and middle class, but he still won’t touch the rich. And yet the hoi polloi are hanging off balconies at rallies, cheering the buff action hero.

In San Diego, Schwarzenegger held up a giant credit card to symbolize the state’s free spending. Then, without a wink, he asked us to back a monstrous $15-billion bond measure that could take 30 years to pay off. He even claimed Californians “voted for my plan,” even though he never had one.

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The bond is the tax that isn’t, and it’s the centerpiece of the plan that never was.

That’s brash. That’s bold.

That’s leadership.

And can I be honest?

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My kids are costing me a fortune, and their children are sure to be spoiled brats, too. Can we stop “crying” about sticking them with a $15-billion credit card bill? Nothing would please me more.

You’ve got two options, Assemblyman/Senator. You can climb aboard the Comeback Express and put the bond measure on the ballot, or you can get splattered like road kill.

Was that a smirk, pencil-neck?

Was that a snicker?

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Do the words hasta la vista ring any bells?

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