Studio singed by a hot novel

When former Miramax assistant Rachel Pine started shopping her manuscript about a dysfunctional studio clearly based on Miramax, several publishers expressed interest in the caustic novel. But the winning buyer is the one company you might suspect is the least interested in the book’s ever seeing the light of day: Miramax itself.

“The Twins of Tribeca” is a frequently hilarious account of the office and show business politics of High Art Pictures, a boutique film studio run by two brothers bearing an uncanny resemblance to Miramax founders Bob and Harvey Weinstein. When not feuding with each other or humiliating their staff, the novel’s Tony and Phil Waxman are furiously promoting a series of art films that are unmistakably Miramax titles.

An outline of the novel and several sample chapters began circulating last month. Several veterans of the New York-based Miramax who have read the chapters and outline say the book is filled with actual incidents from their Miramax days, and say a number of real Miramax executives are the obvious foundation for many of the book’s key players.

The second page of Pine’s “Twins of Tribeca” manuscript warns that any resemblance between the book’s characters and living people is “entirely coincidental,” but even the most casual reader might find that claim highly debatable.

In addition to the Weinsteins, there are a host of easily identifiable doppelgangers, including Steven Seagal, Billy Bob Thornton, Gwyneth Paltrow, Woody Allen, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, John Ritter, Larry Flynt, Woody Harrelson, Charlize Theron, David Schwimmer and Anna Wintour.

Just as she has changed real people’s names ever so slightly (Thornton is called Jimmy-Joe Hawthorne), Pine also has altered several movie titles, but the ersatz replacements are hardly deceptive. “The English Patient” has become “The Foreign Pilot.” “Sling Blade” is known as “HackSaw.” “The Pallbearer” has been changed to “The Gravedigger,” “Scream” is now called “Shriek” and “The Postman” is “The Milkman.”

On Nov. 20, Miramax Books picked up the rights to publish “The Twins of Tribeca” for an undisclosed amount. Although it has not yet set a publishing date, Miramax says it has every intention of releasing the novel, saying it did not buy “The Twins of Tribeca” merely to kill it.

“Miramax books like ‘Spike, Mike, Slackers & Dykes’ and Miramax movies like ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’ and ‘Full Frontal’ are examples of the fact that we can take criticism and laugh at ourselves,” Harvey Weinstein said through a spokesman. “Contrary to popular belief, we do have a sense of humor about ourselves.”

Although the brothers were read “Twins of Tribeca” excerpts by Miramax Books President Jonathan Burnham before Burnham made the deal to buy the book, Miramax spokesman Matthew Hiltzik says that neither Bob nor Harvey Weinstein has read the entire manuscript. They may want to keep it that way.

Almost everything in “The Twins of Tribeca” about the Waxman brothers is unflattering, including (but certainly not limited to) descriptions of their physical appearance: “Phil was huge, his mass straining the seams of his custom-made tuxedo. He had a tremendous head with a fleshy face that held a pair of tiny and acutely observant eyes. It was a face that could easily make small children cry. Tony was a slender six feet tall with pleasant enough features completely ruined by his hair. Light brown and frizzy, it gave the distinct impression that something might be living in it.”

Later, she observes: “Phil and Tony fought like a pair of ghetto pit bulls and were incredibly jealous of one another.”

Hard days at the office

Pine occasionally conflates the real-life Weinsteins; sometimes the character that is more clearly patterned on Bob Weinstein (Tony) does things that in-the-know bookworms would associate with Harvey (Phil).

Pine, who now works at a New York communications firm, did not return telephone calls seeking comment.

The unfinished book, which follows in the literary footsteps of the loosely fictionalized novels “The Devil Wears Prada” and “The Nanny Diaries,” depicts High Art as the show business equivalent of a medieval torture chamber, where pain is inflicted by pitiless bosses and petulant celebrities. “The brothers ran roughshod over everyone who reported to them directly, and in turn, the department heads treated their own staff like dirt,” Pine writes.

At one point in the roman a clef, an intern makes the horrible mistake of writing a career advice note to a senior High Art executive. “Here’s my advice about getting into Development,” the executive publicly berates the intern upon receiving the note. “Don’t ever write to someone who is much more important than you’ll ever be!” The intern is fired on the spot.

“What was good advice anywhere else in the world could end your career here. It was that twisted,” Pine writes. “High Art wasn’t a ‘What Color Is Your Parachute?’ type of place. It was more likely they packed you the old, ripped one for your jump.”

The novel’s narrator is Karen, a young, single woman toiling in the studio’s publicity department for a woman who charitably can be called demanding. Two former Miramax employees say the novel’s publicity boss is based on former Miramax publicity chief Marcy Granata. Granata says she has not read the book and declined comment.

Karen staggers back to her apartment after so many late evenings working High Art premiere parties that a neighbor mistakes her for an escort. When the neighbor finds out she works for High Art, he asks her for a free movie poster.

Pine also chronicles the ridiculous demands of celebrities, including the 8-year-old star of a foreign-language film who finds his limousine driver unsatisfactory.

Two former Miramax employees who have read Pine’s manuscript say many of the novel’s incidents are based on actual events. One of the former employees vouches for a scene in which several High Art executives go on a pre-holiday fen-phen diet that “increases their drive to insane levels, and gives them an almost superhuman ability to work around the clock.”

Another former Miramax employee confirms one of the novel’s opening events. After working for as many as 27 consecutive hours organizing and hosting a post-Oscar bash, the publicity staff collapses onto a hotel couch at 5 a.m. Five minutes later, Tony Waxman strides by. Rather than congratulate the staff for a triumphant evening, the studio chief immediately berates the publicists for having the temerity to take a breather. “Don’t any of you ever do anything?” he scolds them through clenched teeth.

In one scene included in Pine’s outline, Phil Waxman travels on the company jet to Los Angeles. Before it lands, he eats ice cream out of a huge container, starts smoking and uses the remaining dessert as an ashtray, and then clips his toenails into the melting mess. A development executive sharing the plane is so sickened by the display that he resigns as soon as the plane touches down.

As unlikely as it might seem, there is precedent for Miramax’s buying Pine’s book. The company has made a number of publishing deals with writers capable of writing unfavorably about the studio.

Miramax Books recently published a collection of short stories written by Variety editor in chief Peter Bart, and Miramax hired Fox News gossip columnist Roger Friedman to edit a magazine about the Academy Awards. More recently, Miramax Books bought rights to publish a book about the glory days of Spy magazine; one of the authors of the book is former Spy editor Graydon Carter, who now is editor of Vanity Fair.

Miramax says that since so many book divisions are owned by media conglomerates, it is increasingly rare that any publisher does not have a sister movie studio. It says at least two other publishers were interested in buying “The Twins of Tribeca.”

Miramax also says it is not intentionally buying books written by people who cover or who have ties to the studio. Furthermore, Miramax notes that it has published books by people with whom Harvey Weinstein and the studio have feuded, including former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, whose “Leadership” was published by Miramax.

All of the early talk surrounding “The Twins of Tribeca” should certainly help sales, particularly among chattering class readers.

As might be expected, demand for an early peek at the manuscript is building within Miramax and Hollywood. Show business people seem to relish seeing somebody else skewered -- and taking aim at the shrewd and awards-savvy Weinstein brothers is a particularly popular sport this time of year.