For Odd Contests, You Can’t Beat It

Step right up for the closest contest out there. Not much seems to separate Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson these days, according to Sam Donnellon of the Philadelphia Daily News:

“Michael Jackson.

“Mike Tyson.

“Competing for the title of Oddest Man on the Planet. Won’t need Mills Lane for this one. Al Yankovic can be the judge.

“Mike Tyson is back in the news, folks, just a few days away from his Showtime and pay-per-view fight with Clifford Etienne -- or someone -- in Memphis, Tenn. Oh, you didn’t know he had a pay-per-view fight in Memphis? Well, now you do, and Showtime is so sorry you had to hear about it this way.”

Trivia time: How many times did defenseman Paul Coffey play for a team that won the Stanley Cup?

Garnett-mania: From a prep player in Hastings, Minn., to Montana State to host of the “The Late Late Show” Craig Kilborn has been remarkably consistent in his love for the NBA.

For him, first, and foremost, is the Timberwolves’ Kevin Garnett. Bringing up the other end are the Lakers and Shaquille O’Neal, Kilborn told the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

“Nobody is more passionately anti-Lakers than I am,” Kilborn told Star Tribune columnist Dan Barreiro. “If the league wasn’t so diluted, they would have been exposed a long time ago. Shaq commits an offensive foul every time he touches the ball inside.

“True story: One day I told Phil Jackson, who was in the green room, that my dad said that they would never have allowed Wilt Chamberlain to get away with the kind of offensive fouls that Shaq got away with, and Phil said, ‘Your dad is right.’ ”

Take 10: The Arizona Diamondbacks are under management orders to sign autographs for 10 minutes after batting practice before every home game. No exceptions. Well, there’s one. The starting pitcher can skip the exercise.

“There was a time and place when athletes took a lot for granted, and maybe even organizations to some degree,” owner Jerry Colangelo told the Arizona Republic, taking note of declining season-ticket sales and a difficult economy. “That doesn’t exist anymore.”

Curiously, George: The recent George Steinbrenner-Derek Jeter controversy should have astonished no one familiar with recent Yankee history, according to Tampa Tribune columnist Joe Henderson.

“In the curious, contradictory world ruled by George Steinbrenner, the hired hands should remember they are never allowed to get too comfortable,” Henderson wrote. “He may talk about Yankee pride, tradition and class, but King George wants his men sitting on porcupine needles.”

Trivia answer: Four times. Coffey won three Cups with the Edmonton Oilers in the 1980s, and one more with the Pittsburgh Penguins in 1991.

And finally: Barry Bonds, joking about what he will do if his former manager Dusty Baker, now with the Cubs, calls for him to be intentionally walked: “If he does, I’m just going to throw the bat in the dugout. I’m going to bust him right in the eyeball. He hardly intentionally walks anybody. If he intentionally walks me, I’m throwing the bat at him.”

-- Lisa Dillman