Minding their table manners

Seven-year-olds Serena Beggs and Alexandra Valladares are in total agreement that the proper way to wipe their mouths at the table is to gently dab their lips with their napkins.

“You don’t want to wipe in big circles or you’ll get it all over your face,” Serena says.

The two are students in etiquette consultant Maggie O’Farrill’s six-hour manners class. In this final session at the Torrance Cultural Center they are learning table manners, including how to hold their water goblets and how to butter their bread.

O’Farrill demonstrates where the bread goes on the table and how it should be eaten to the group of seven, who range in age from 7 to 11. “The piece of bread you take is yours; don’t change your mind,” she says, while demonstrating how to butter a small area of bread at a time.

Alexandra follows O’Farrill’s lead. She cautiously holds her butter knife between her red fingernails and gently taps at her piece of bread before taking small, delicate bites.

O’Farrill, who has been teaching children’s manners for seven years, says she encounters little resistance from students because she makes it fun by serving them cereal and waffles. She also gives them a rationale for what they’re learning.

“Every rule -- I prefer to call them tips -- has a reason behind it. By giving children an explanation, it makes them feel more comfortable. One reason to learn manners is so you don’t take someone else’s bread, and that makes sense to them,” she says.

When 7-year-old Matthew Cook puts his place mat on his head, O’Farrill asks the class, “Why don’t we play at the table?”

Alejandro Rivera-Guest, 9, answers, “Because it’s not a hat and you can have accidents.”

O’Farrill is one of a number of etiquette consultants around Los Angeles who teach appropriate dinner-table behavior, as well as the basics of social graces, to children 5 and older whose parents don’t have the time or knowledge to do it themselves. Many of the consultants offer public and private lessons in subjects such as phone etiquette, how to make introductions and conversational skills.

Pamela Hillings, who wrote a children’s manners book, “A Web of Good Manners,” and is a 20-year etiquette consultant, says many children don’t learn manners because families often are too busy to have dinner together.

“In a lot of families both parents are working or the kids might be too busy with an activity or a class, so the family may not sit down to dinner, where manners are typically taught,” Hillings says.

“It’s about helping children feel more confident. Manners are a form of confidence so that when they walk into a party they know what to do,” Hillings says.

Nancy Elliott, whose three daughters have taken Hillings’ classes, says kids are exposed to so many things as they grow up, it’s hard for them to know what’s appropriate.

“They need to learn things such as how to greet people, how to make small talk and how to write a thank-you note so that they can feel comfortable in any social situation. And it helps if they learn it from another adult -- someone not their mom and dad,” Elliott says.

Linda Cain, a private etiquette consultant, says children often are reluctant to attend an etiquette class because they can’t grasp why manners are important.

“I emphasize that etiquette is a way of respecting other people or a situation so that you can get the most of out an experience. So that if, for instance, you’re served something you don’t like you’ll know how to handle it,” she says.

After completing O’Farrill’s class, Serena is looking forward to putting her new skills to use at a formal graduation dinner at a restaurant.

She says she knows exactly what to do when she meets someone for the first time. “You shake hands and make eye contact. You connect the webs of the hands -- if they don’t touch it’s not right and it doesn’t feel good,” she says.

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Classes on social graces

Basic Tips Social Skills

Instructor Maggie O’Farrill. Beverly Hills, Torrance, Manhattan Beach and Long Beach parks and recreation departments. Info: www.learningmanners.com.

Hillings Enterprises

Instructor Pamela Hillings. Private and group consultations.

Info: Hillingsen@aol.com; www.mannersinaminute.com.

MCE International

Instructor Linda Cain. Private and group consultations. Info: (626) 974-5429.

Dining Skills for Children

Instructor Theresa Thomas. Four Seasons Hotel, 690 Newport Center Drive, Newport Beach. Info: (949) 759-0808.

Cost: $70 and up (prices vary depending on the instructor and the class).