Playbooks for the war of the sexes

Right up there with the male fantasy of hiding in a girls’ locker room is the dream of sneaking a look at the other team’s playbook. A spoof in the August issue of Maxim, the irreverent men’s magazine that bills itself as “the best thing to happen to men since women,” is a simple lesson in how to score that reveals how men wish women would talk to women about men. Confused? In reality, both teams are too, as they play the game that’s as old as the species.

In a section of the laddie bible devoted to advice on How To (build a doghouse; train a hawk; dodge a mob hit) is a two-page spread on “How to Get Her to Strip.” Operating on the theory that no better tool exists for influencing a woman than her favorite magazine, it suggests that readers clip a story titled “How to Strip for Your Boyfriend” -- which mimics the look of a page in Cosmopolitan -- and present it to their favorite gullible woman. How could she possibly remain unmotivated after reading the subhead: “University studies prove that a little bump ‘n’ grind creates a stronger emotional bond between partners. Plus, it makes your butt smaller!” Of course, the suspicious or observant girlfriend handed the man-pleasing guide to rhythmic disrobing might note that in the lower right-hand corner, where the popular women’s magazine’s name normally appears, it says: August 2003 COMSOPOLITAN.

Keith Blanchard, Maxim’s 37-year-old editor in chief, conceived the prank, and was confident that his friends at Cosmo would be amused. “It’s really all about not taking service features too seriously,” he says.

Not taking anything very seriously, including pictures of seriously underdressed young women, has made the cheeky 6-year-old British import from Dennis Publishing a newsstand hit. It sells 2.5 million copies a month (Cosmopolitan’s circulation is 2.9 million). A banner listing the subjects that most interest the Maxim man crawls across every cover: “Sex, Sports, Beer, Gadgets ... “

“Maxim is very casual,” Blanchard says. “That casualness and the eagerness with which we speak to our readers has been construed as lowbrow or dumbing down. But the truth is that the most successful guys you know tell the same kind of jokes as the least successful guys. One of the secrets of Maxim’s success is that men are very much like one another across all social levels. You can have two Wall Street guys on a corner discussing a big deal, and a delivery guy coming out of a deli on the corner passing a mechanic, and as a Maserati pulls up, they’ll all stop what they’re doing and look at the car. All the cliches we know about men’s interests are cliches ‘cause they’re true. Guys love cars and action movies and hate talking about the relationship.”

Women love talking about relationships, the complementary cliche holds. And they devour information on how to attract and keep a man, material that has long been the mother’s milk of Cosmopolitan. In fact, Cosmo has published features instructing its readers on the fine art of the private strip.

“We do pieces from time to time on that, when we’ll talk about how much guys like visual stimulation,” says Cosmopolitan editor Kate White. “We’re big fans of Maxim at Cosmo. I love anyone who spoofs us, and I loved this one. It’s so typically Maxim, totally self-serving. If this really were a Cosmo piece, we would address the notion that a woman might feel self-conscious in the situation, and we’d discuss doing it in a way that makes her more comfortable. We’d talk about dimming the lights a little and putting on some music that’s going to put you in the mood.” (Maxim’s idea of a romantic soundtrack is AC/DC or Rammstein.)

Maxim and the Hearst Corp.’s Cosmopolitan are actually occasional bedfellows, an odd couple in a famously fractious industry. In March 2002, the magazines that serve as unofficial coaches to the male and female teams collaborated on a feature about the conflicts between the sexes and ran it simultaneously.

And like men and women, they also have more in common than one might think. Both are famous for overheated cover lines, such as Cosmo’s promise of “Ten Make Him Throb Moves so Hot You’ll Need a Fire Hose to Cool Down the Bed.” Both approach the other gender with equal parts fear, longing and bewilderment.

“We get hundreds of e-mails from readers every week,” White says. “They appreciate our ‘how to’ features. They say we help them navigate relationships and understand how guys are different and how they can work with the differences. They feel frustrated because sometimes they just don’t get guys. I also get hundreds of letters a month from guys who all say they want to understand women so they can better address their needs. Guys want to know what it is that will make women happy.”

Although White and Blanchard agree that women give the best relationship advice, her magazine believes in delivering it straight and his offers it with tongue in cheek. Maxim’s notion of help for the lovelorn is a primer on “How to Break Up with a Girl and Make Her Think It’s Her Idea.”

If turnabout is fair play, then Cosmopolitan might publish a story on “How Putting the Toilet Seat Down Will Make You Richer, Taller and Prevent Hair Loss.” In the tradition of Maxim’s flattering imitation, the advice could appear on a faux Maxim page that women could give their brewski-addled boyfriends to read. Who ever said that love, war or enlightening the opposite sex was supposed to be fair?