Salata Has Brought Meaning to Irrelevance

Monday officially marks the start of Irrelevant Week, and while anyone who has read Page 2 understands there’s no way I could confine myself to just one irrelevant/irreverent week a year, Paul Salata, former USC benchwarmer and NFL star -- if you listen to him -- will honor the last player selected in this year’s NFL draft.

The honoree, and I can’t remember his name and it’s really irrelevant, will receive the Lowsman Trophy, which depicts a player dropping a pass.

The week-long festivities, which will also include a banquet for more than 1,000 to benefit Orange County kids and youth sports programs, will also pay tribute to Heisman Trophy winner Carson Palmer, who played for one of the local universities.

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IN 1976, Salata’s inaugural Irrelevant Week began with a parade in Newport Beach for Kelvin Kirk without a hitch. Oh, Kirk missed his plane, but it didn’t matter because Salata stopped by the local Safeway, asked someone to double for the drafted Steeler, and then stuck him on the back of a convertible waving to the folks along the parade route.

When a news conference followed and Kirk still hadn’t arrived, the Safeway guy answered the questions and told everyone how he enjoyed playing for the University of Dayton.

“The next day in the paper,” Salata said, “they just reported what Kirk had said with no mention it was a 45-year-old guy from Safeway sitting in for him.”

By the way, Salata works out of his “G.A.S. Investments” office in Newport Beach, and if you’re looking for financial advice you can stop in and talk to him -- or someone posing as him.

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SALATA’S DAUGHTER, Melanie Fitch, both the beauty and the brains behind the Irrelevant Week operation -- if you’ve met Salata you know what I mean -- also spends a lot of time explaining her father’s jokes.

“Dad’s my hero,” said Melanie, who dressed in full referee uniform to make NFL ref Jim Tunney feel at home during a golf tournament. “Why did I do that? Because Dad asked me to.”

Father and daughter, who are committed to making sure everyone has a good time this week, will be doing so under extraordinary circumstances.

Two years ago, Salata battled colon cancer and dealt with chemotherapy treatments while entertaining the Irrelevant Week guests, but this year’s event offers a bigger personal challenge. Salata’s wife of 51 years, Beverly, died a month ago after an extended illness -- two months after Salata’s brother, Bob, passed away.

“Beverly was the prettiest chick in that generation when I met her at USC,” Salata said. “She was neat. Is neat.... I had planned maybe not to do [Irrelevant Week] at all, but I’m going to do it, and I’m at peace with it.”

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SALATA, 77, may be the funniest master of ceremonies in Southern California. A rock and gravel salesman, who also did some bit parts in movies and was the photo double for Charlton Heston in the “The Ten Commandments,” you will notice now he appears to own only one shirt.

“He owns lots of shirts,” said his granddaughter, Alix. “The same shirt.”

The combination of wit and the same Hawaiian shirt -- not to mention the pinch he puts on friends -- has allowed him to raise big-time money for charity. Last year, Goodwill Industries presented him with its first American Tribute Award, and so many people wanted to be there to offer their own thanks, another $200,000 was raised for charity.

In fact the whole Salata idea behind Irrelevant Week is “to do something nice for someone for no reason at all.” This week’s activities will focus on Gustavus Adolphus College wide receiver Ryan Hoag, who really needs something nice to happen -- after being sentenced to serve hard time as the Raiders’ draft pick.

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NOW HOW many truly unique characters do you meet in life beyond a visit to Disneyland? In fact it’s a darn shame someone swiped the name, “Goofy.”

When we got together this week he presented me with a gold-painted miniature bathroom plunger, a reminder, he said, “To go with the flow,” as we began our discussion. He also pulled out a box filled with hats and said I should pick out whatever I wanted because USC President Steve Sample had sent them over.

“You can see for yourself,” he said, “pulling out hat after hat with the imprint ‘sample’ on the inside of each.” Like Dudley Moore in the movie, “Arthur,” sometimes he just cracks himself up.

A few years back one of Salata’s friends was in the hospital, so Salata dressed up as a doctor or candy striper -- depending on who tells you the story -- decorated the hospital roof, and had the guy wheeled up to celebrate his birthday. Witnesses said it got a little messy when Salata insisted on feeding the guy his birthday cake intravenously.

He invited a high school band to march down the middle of the street behind a banner wishing his wife a happy 50th birthday, and then treated the band -- 100 strong -- to a McDonald’s lunch at his home. “Happy Meals,” I presume.

“I don’t have any inhibitions, and I just learned a long time ago you’ll live longer if you feel good and have fun while doing it,” Salata said. “I just feel good about making other people feel good. By and large I want to be with people who are happy and who make other people happy.”

Then I asked him, of course, why did he go to USC?

[Someone please explain to the Trojan faithful it’s a joke].

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.