Scully Helps Make Call on Sensitive Cover-Up

So I’m talking to Vin Scully about this problem I’ve got at home. The wife and the daughter want me to pay almost $1,000 to put white covers over the chairs at the wedding reception. I figure Scully is Mr. Common Sense, the broadcasting voice of God and he’ll tell me just the right thing to say to these women who are so determined to have me go broke.

“We had two daughters get married in the past year,” he says, and I can tell by the ninth-inning “Andy Ashby is in to pitch” tone of his voice that when it comes to weddings and holding the line I’m talking to a beaten man. “We had the covers for both of the weddings

But imagine what you could do with $1,000: place 500 $2 bets on the Belmont, buy a new set of golf clubs, or spend a night out at Staples Center.

The daughter, though, is crying and telling me she’s “dreamed of chair covers at her wedding all her life.” I know for a fact she also dreamed of meeting Prince Charming, and she has obviously gotten over that disappointment.

We’re talking about $1,000 for pillow cases to cover very nice chairs just so when the guests walk into the banquet room they can all go “ah” before plopping their butts down and starting to eat into my once-upon-a-time retirement fund.

I suggested putting grocery store bags over each chair -- before the wife replied with maybe the meanest thing I have ever heard her say: “So you’re going to go Donald Sterling on us for your own daughter’s wedding?”

I called the Clippers to talk to Sterling and see what he’d really do, and I was told they wouldn’t pass on the message. “It’s not the right time to talk about Larry Brown coming here as coach; everything is very fluid right now,” I was told.

“No, I just want to ask Sterling about pillow cases,” I said.

“Sure,” I was told. “You want to find out if he’s too cheap to pay Larry Brown what it would take to come here....We can tell you there has been contact between Larry’s agent and the Clippers, but that’s all that can be said right now. Anything is possible.”

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I TRIED calling Sterling’s office directly. The receptionist wanted to know what I wanted to talk about. I lied. “I’d like to ask Sterling about Larry Brown,” I said.

While on hold, I actually got to thinking about Brown and what he might mean to the Clippers: He’s a living, breathing white pillow case, if you will.

You bring Brown back to L.A., and obscure the fact Sterling still owns the team, and the Clippers have credibility once again.

Hard to remember now, but two years ago the Clippers were on their way to gaining some respect here -- selling out the final 16 home games. The last time they went to the playoffs, Brown was coach.

Brown probably will have the opportunity to pursue an NBA title in Houston with Yao Ming and Steve Francis, or watch LeBron James grow in Cleveland. The Clippers, though, have something better to offer: a chance for Brown to enjoy his home in Malibu while working nearby at age 62.

Jeff Van Gundy, and most anyone else, will have to be convinced coaching a Clipper team under Sterling’s watch is even worth considering, but Brown has already been there -- working well with GM Elgin Baylor and remaining friends with Sterling. And wherever Brown goes, he’s not going to be there long, which makes him the traditional Clippers’ coach.

I thought about that and couldn’t wait to tell Sterling he certainly wouldn’t want to be compared to a grocery store bag cheapskate like myself, and he ought to spring for the extravagant Clipper cover-up in Brown -- whatever the cost.

In fact, I intend to toe the line and stick with the bags for the chairs, no matter how ornery the wife and daughter get -- just as a reminder to Sterling how mad some people can get when they don’t get what they want.

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OUR BILL Shaikin has reported that new Angel owner Arte Moreno, who lowered beer prices at Edison Field, has now ordered a review of all items sold at concession and souvenir shops with the intention of reducing more prices. What a surprise to discover Disney probably was ripping off people all this time.

I know it’s a small, small world, but I wouldn’t look for a review of prices in Staples Center any time soon.

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YOU THINK you’ve had a bad time of it? John Henry Williams, Ted’s son, went cold at the plate -- going 0 for 7 with five strikeouts in three exhibition games for the Independent League Schaumburg Flyers, and was released Wednesday.

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THE KINGS -- remember them, they play hockey too -- traded for Roman Cechmanek. Cechmanek has the best lifetime goals-against average among goaltenders with at least 150 regular-season games under their pads since 1943-1944. And now the reason he was available.

“He’s runner-up for the Vezina [Trophy] one year, he’s tied for the lowest goals-against in the league and his save percentage is always good,” said Philadelphia GM Bobby Clarke, who gave Cechmanek to the Kings for a draft pick. “But his playoffs have been inconsistent” giving up nine goals in the Flyers’ final two playoff games.

Because the playoffs are no concern to the Kings, that makes him the perfect goalie for Los Angeles.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from publicist Steve Brener:

“The Avengers have a playoff game Sunday at noon. Would you like to go to the game with me?”

I get this kind of nasty e-mail all the time.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.