Hi, I’ll be your menu tonight

The days of the too-familiar (“Hi, I’m Joey!”) waiter might be behind us. But now menus are getting talkative. Some we’ve seen lately are breaking out in flowery descriptions, intimate asides, bits of dialogue, even questions.

It’s like having another person at the table with you.

The menu at Airstream Diner is particularly chatty -- and smart-alecky too. A breakfast combo called Luxury Liner is “served to you on a silver platter ... almost.” The Manhattan sandwich is described as “the best egg sandwich on the planet.” And a chicken potpie comes with this parenthetical caution: “unusual presentation, be warned.” That means, it turns out, that the dish is made with a pastry ring surrounding mashed potatoes and chicken.

“ ‘Tasty Burger’ with French Fries and Cheese?” wonders the hesitant but friendly menu at Luna Park. Apparently “Tasty Burger” is in quotes because that’s what a friend of the owners once said about the sandwich. As for the note of inquiry, co-owner A.J. Gilbert explains, “We wanted the menu to have some playful things.”

“Feel like giving cows a break?” asks the menu at Porterhouse Bistro. If you answer yes, the vegetarian plate is for you. Carnivores might prefer the 20-ounce T-bone, which is listed with this editorial: “What else is there to say, but ‘Yabba-Dabba-Do!’ ” It’s like dining with that uncle who won’t shut up. He means well, but no wonder his wife divorced him.

While some menus ask questions we can’t answer, others offer answers to questions we haven’t asked.

The regular and dessert menus at Chloe are straightforward, but the list of teas gets wordy and grandiose -- about Earl Grey (“derives its distinctive taste from the oil of bergamot, a Mediterranean citrus fruit”) and Darjeeling (“strong, full-bodied, grown in the foothills of the Himalayas”). Like the absent-minded dinner companion who chimes in on the conversation at odd moments.

At Opaline, the wine list is authoritative but with a sweet, breezy attitude, like a friend who knows a lot but isn’t a know-it-all. An entry for 2001 Lagar de Cervera Albarino notes that the wine “drinks like a minerally Chablis with a dash of sea salt.” At the top of the rose section is the plea “Don’t hate me for being pink,” followed by the explanation that “not to be confused with the dreaded white zinfandel, these are dry, food-friendly and full of personality.”

“The wine list is so esoteric, it has to have a warm and engaging personality,” says owner David Rosoff.

At Doug Arango’s, the wine list is interrupted every few pages by full-on essays (we saw one on biodynamics) including one that notes “Josh Jensen’s Calera Wine Company is truly a story of complete devotion and faith.” Then it continues, “Although you would never hear him say it, he is a real artist, not an imitator, but a creator. For nearly a quarter century he has labored away carving at a mountain of rock to unveil what he always knew was there.”

“Not everyone has such a fascination with wine as sometimes we think they should have,” says Robert Evans, one of the owners and the person behind the prose. “So it’s there for those who want to read it.” It’s the menu gone wine-geek preacher.

O-Bar’s Final Flavors menu, aka the dessert menu, takes the tone of a good buddy, albeit one who isn’t exactly modest. There is, for example, “The Best Banana Split You Ever Had!” A Champagne gelee was recently listed along with the following note: “Not Your Mama’s Jello Ambrosia.” The Decadent Chocolate Souffle? “Worth Every Minute Of The Wait.”

Not everyone is keen on the practice.

“I see it a lot with my students in class, and we discourage it,” says Ezra Eichelberger, who teaches menu development at the Culinary Institute of America. “They’ll put things on a menu such as ‘cooked to your liking,’ and I’m like, that’s why I came here.”

-- Leslee Komaiko

Small bites

* When Bastide opened a year ago, much was made of the fact that the restaurant would be closed Saturday evenings, the busiest dining-out night of the week. How could a restaurant, especially this restaurant, where the dining experience often lasts more than three hours (not exactly simpatico with school nights), justify this? Well, naysayers and doubters can now enjoy an “I told you so” moment. Starting this weekend, Bastide will open its doors Saturday evenings, with seatings at 6 and 9 p.m. “We have so many people asking for Saturday,” explains manager Franck Alix.

Bastide, 8475 Melrose Place, Los Angeles, (323) 651-5950.

* Citrine on Melrose has ditched its sushi bar. “People would come into the restaurant and sit at the bar and order off David Slatkin’s menu,” says owner Dean Mavrikis. “Sushi wasn’t being considered.” It didn’t take sushi chef Tamaji Hata long to find another home. He’s now at Cinch in Santa Monica.

Cinch, 1519 Wilshire Blvd., Santa Monica, (310) 395-4139.

* Tanino Drago is offering a five-course white truffle tasting menu through mid-December, and possibly longer, depending on the truffle season. It’s $200 per person.

Tanino, 1043 Westwood Blvd., Westwood, (310) 208-0444.