Hahn’s Eat-and-Get-Fat Diet

Please join City Planning Commission Chair Mitch Minzer and me for an intimate luncheon with Mayor James Hahn.

-- City Hall lobbyist Steven Afriat to business owners who gave $1,000 to L.A. Mayor James K. Hahn’s reelection campaign.

P.S. RSVP to my secretary.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Afriat, but it’s that developer. Yes, he’s still coming, he just wants to know whether there will be a screen for his Power Point presentation. I know, I know, what a bumpkin. I told him it’s not kosher to ask outright for city help at these things. But I guess I was just too ... subtle. Right. I’ll try again.”

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Mr. Afriat? The City Council Budget Committee wants to meet with the mayor, but they don’t have $1,000 for lunch. I guess things are tight. Can they come if they just have coffee? No?”

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“It’s the developer again. He says he’ll do architectural sketches only, no high-tech show-and-tell, and up the donation to $2,000. That’s twice the legal limit? Oh, well, what if he brings a friend?”

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“It’s the budget committee again, sir. How much for a meeting by the water cooler?”

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Some woman from a neighborhood council wants to ‘share her viewpoint’ with the mayor. Something about equal time. No, she doesn’t have $1,000. Shall I tell her a stamp’s just 37 cents?”

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Sir, I’ve got a fellow on the line criticizing Mayor Hahn for attending more than a dozen of these top-donor lunches so far this year.

“No, wait, it’s not what you think. He says that with just 18 months until the March 2005 election, we should at the very least be doing seven lunches a week. We could do twice that many if we double-shifted. We could do breakfast, coffee, cocktail hour, dessert, even midnight milk and cookies. He’s offering to help. Interested? OK, just a minute --

“Go ahead, Mr. Davis.”