THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

*--* No. Team (Rec.) Comment 1 MIAMI (5-0) Seafood joint pitches Kellen Winslow plate as “Catch of the Day.” 2 OKLAHOMA (5-0) If Stoops had guts he’d wear 10-gallon hat into Texas game. 3 OHIO STATE (5-0) Coach reads “Hansel and Gretel” to prepare team for first trip. 4 VIRGINIA TECH (5-0) Rankman’s Hokie Horoscope predicts a return trip to Sugar Bowl this year. 5 FLORIDA STATE (5-0) Miami coach asks pilot to make Wide Left approach into Tallahassee. 6 LOUISIANA STATE (5-0) Florida comes to town with a (Chris) Leak at quarterback. 7 USC (4-1) School plans to celebrate 700th win with 700 renditions of drum dirge. 8 ARKANSAS (4-0) This week’s Auburn game might determine how SEC West was won. 9 GEORGIA (4-1) Tennessee, your mascot Smokey couldn’t carry Uga’s doggie bag. 10 TENNESSEE (4-1) Smokey better keep that pooch on a leash or he’ll be Kibble n Bits. 11 TEXAS (4-1) Mack Brown fears a recall should he lose fourth in a row to Oklahoma. 12 NEBRASKA (5-0) When it comes to football, team is no longer in a plain state. 13 WASHINGTON STATE (5-1) Team uses bye week to sort through copious DUI player paperwork. 14 NORTHERN ILLINOIS (5-0) Game at Central Michigan will be televised to 0.2% of nation. 15 PITTSBURGH (3-1) No “tomato can” remarks allowed about Notre Dame at Heinz Field. 16 TEXAS CHRISTIAN (5-0) NRA supports coach’s decision to start Gunn versus South Florida. 17 MICHIGAN STATE (5-1) Team relieved this week to be playing Illinois instead of Northern Illinois. 18 IOWA (5-1) Off week will allow players to catch up on Old Farmer’s Almanac. 19 MINNESOTA (6-0) Jesse Ventura brags he got more “pectoral votes” than Arnold. 20 PURDUE (4-1) Paterno refuses school’s gracious offer to provide him a rocking chair. 21 UTAH (4-1) School is 2-0 in Pac-10 play but still thinks USC is the team to beat. 22 MICHIGAN (4-2) Big fear is too many Minnesota fans drinking from the Little Brown Jug. 23 KANSAS STATE (4-2) Left it all on the field against Texas, according to UT clean-up crew. 24 OREGON STATE (5-1) Dennis Erickson calls Mike Riley to see if he wants to swap jobs. 25 NEVADA LAS VEGAS (4-1) Record proves this is not just a hotel management school anymore.

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