Newest Trojan Fan Still Has Unbeaten Record

Well, the strangest thing happened Saturday. I accepted more than a dozen of the 50 invitations I received to tailgate with Trojan fans before USC’s game with BYU, and I met some of the nicest and friendliest people in the world. I swear, it was like they were almost human.

No one threw a punch, but then I never bumped into Mike Garrett.

I had read the wearesc.com message board before coming to the Coliseum and expected a lot worse. Someone identifying himself as “Samsson” wrote: “I have a special plate already set aside for him, my famous ground glass omelet.”

I took for granted Samsson’s omelet was “famous” because I imagine it put him in jail, but I still had my safety concerns after reading other messages, so I invited former football player Paul Salata to join me because he’s known best as Mr. Irrelevant. So it wouldn’t really matter if he had a short career as food tester.

I expected a lot of name calling upon introductions, because I’m sure not everyone likes Salata, but the first thing anyone wanted to know when we arrived at each tailgate party was how the Grocery Store Bagger is doing.

As you know, I gave my daughter away to the Bagger a few weeks ago, they honeymooned and then he brought her back so they could live in our house, save money and allow him to go to Del Mar on the weekends.

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I’VE BEEN a die-hard Trojan fan for a week now, and I feel richer for the experience. It’s important to feel like you’re rich if you are a Trojan fan.

Surprisingly, some people took exception to my decision to become as obnoxious as USC fans are.

“I can’t tell you what to write, but I can tell you that the reputation of USC football is not a laughing matter,” said Bob A in an e-mail. And I’m sorry, I laughed.

Al Trojan e-mailed to say, “The Trojan family is getting sick of your little slaps at us in your columns. The Trojan message boards are having a meltdown over this, and I suggest you think carefully before writing another negative column about USC.” I laughed, because as most of you know, I never think carefully when writing a column.

But this brought me to Trojanland, and my concern Saturday was that I was going to laugh in the face of every fan when they started talking. So I paid more than $70 for a USC aloha shirt, which, the wife reminded me, was no laughing matter.

“We have about 15-20 people, and no one really thinks you are the devil incarnate like many of the Trojan family do,” wrote Sam Vranjes, and how can anyone turn down such a nice invitation, so that’s where I began the tailgate tour.

Did you know they serve beer at these tailgate parties?

John Webb e-mailed, extended an invitation to share a prized package of bratwurst he had won in a wager with a Milwaukee friend, and one-by-one I met the folks in his party, and let me tell you, I’d probably have no problem with any one of these people living in the next town or two over.

Steve Bruce gave me a brand new “UCLA [does something bad]” baseball cap with references to parking in handicapped spaces and driving leased SUVs. I had no idea Trojan fans could be so generous.

Chris Wynkoop handed me a cardinal and gold top hat, you know, like Dr. Seuss’ “Cat in the Hat,” and also referred to himself as Salata’s friend, which explains why he was carrying around a Dr. Seuss hat.

It’s good, though, to be a Trojan fan. I even received special attention in the USC press box after the game, earning a Haagen-Dazs ice cream bar while the other scribes were ignored. I would imagine pretty soon every sportswriter in the press box will be wearing a USC aloha shirt.

Out among the tailgaters, Barbara Mueller asked me to write some good things about her blond, beautiful and nicely shaped daughter, Tracy Rudolph, and I hope I wrote that sentence carefully enough so as to not rile up Fred, Tracy’s husband.

Have I told you folks yet today, “Fight on?”

I want to make all Trojan fans as happy as I am. I’ll be honest, I’ve even gotten to the point where I can picture my Notre Dame daughter marrying someone with USC ties.

Of course, the way the dating game has gone for her recently, right now I wouldn’t be opposed to her marrying one of the Sparks.

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TROJAN POSTSCRIPT: I stopped by the Bovard building, and slipped a note under USC President Steven Sample’s door. I told him I had just finished my first day of tailgating at USC, and wanted to say hi. No need to call.

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THE MISTAKE was all mine, because I guess I had already determined who would win the “Battle of the Sexes Match Race” today at Del Mar when Patrick Valenzuela takes on Julie Krone. I mistakenly reported the race would not count in the jockey standings, while indicating Valenzuela’s horse, Chester’s Choice, would be listed as the morning line favorite. I got a little ahead of myself there -- indicating who I thought should/will win the race.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from George Valois:

“I have attended USC games since the 1956 Rose Bowl. To attend our tailgate party, 20 years of attending games is mandatory. Since you manage to tick off 50% of L.A. on a daily basis, the prospects of you lasting 20 years is in doubt. Too bad -- the menu is curried chicken stuffed in large pasta shells, marinated olives with a tat of caviar and some fine red wine to ensure my heart will be strong in 20 years -- just in case you defy the odds.”

I probably don’t have to tell you this, but keep drinking.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.