Move over, Michael Moore
I used to strut around town feeling prosperous and important because I had my own corporation, thanks to a sudden, but brief, influx of cash from writing television pilots and movies.
I incorporated on the advice of my tax man, who assured me that individual corporations were all the rage. It felt good being the CEO of something, and my wife didn’t mind running a financial institution, but now we’re not so sure.
I am so uncertain, in fact, that I no longer strut and I no longer even mention my corporation, despite the fact that it still exists, more or less. It is only worth about $98, which means there is not much of a financial institution for Cinelli to run. What challenge is there in keeping a close eye on $98?
Our tax guy said not to dis-incorporate, because the company has a pension plan attached and we may need that someday. I suggested asking the Bank of America if it would like to merge with us, since merging was big for awhile, but Cinelli suggested I have a martini instead and try to relax.
Now in view of various cinematic attacks on, well, everything, I’m not certain that it’s wise to be associated with any kind of power group. We just saw a so-called documentary, “The Corporation,” which is more docudrama than documentary. It accuses the big conglomerates of being responsible for everything from world pollution to runaway pregnancies.
Mine is a writing corporation, so it’s not able to pollute anything, except maybe the human mind, and I’m willing to take a DNA test to prove I’m not responsible for anyone’s pregnancy. My company has no global inclinations, and therefore no telephone banks in Bombay, or factories of slave laborers in Brazil. It’s just me and Cinelli and maybe the dog as a barking partner.
Recent events have proved how greedy, crooked and insensitive corporations can be. That’s a given. The corporate effort to privatize all the water, even rainwater, in Bolivia, for instance, was going a little too far. But a lot of the effort of “Corporation,” the movie, seems aimed at filling time, which it does, excessively.
Even Michael Moore, who is being led around town like a pit bull on a leash, is in it for the celebrity effect, I guess. A sort of blustery cameo appearance.
“Corporation” is one of several documentaries in various theaters, including “Fahrenheit 9/11,” “Control Room” and “Orwell Rolls in His Grave.” They have targeted, in addition to corporations, the Bush gang, the military and the media, and their producers are no doubt scratching around for something else to trash while the genre is still hot.
I saw “Orwell” the other night, and was grateful that filmmaker Robert Kane Pappas was going after large media companies and not us little guys hiding in corners sucking our thumbs and trying to remember what we wrote about the day before yesterday.
Once more it is the conglomerates that are being given the old what-for, and, yep, Michael Moore is in there helping out, bashing anything in sight, like Bart Simpson with a club.
I don’t doubt that the people making these films are at least partially altruistic in their intention, which would be to bust Bush, break up large corporations and end the war in Iraq. They do a little good and make a little money, so what’s wrong with that? It’s good for them, good for the country and good for the corporations that no doubt back their films. Small, benevolent corporations, I’m sure.
Probably the next big target will be the Catholic Church, with its uppity attitude, or the power companies. The church is certainly an international organization with plenty of holy money, and the power companies will take advantage of anyone or anything, as was demonstrated recently right here in the state of Col-lee-forna.
Who can forget the days when we, like good, stupid citizens, were dimming the lights and lowering the furnace during the alleged power shortages, sitting in darkness and cold while the big power providers were living high on the hog? It cost poor old addled Gray Davis the election, and now look what we’ve got.
I’m wondering just how much money a documentary rakes in. The theaters were pretty full at the showings of both “Fahrenheit” and “Corporation,” which surprised me. I didn’t know there were that many liberals in town. I suspect the films do pretty well, which has me thinking about maybe activating my corporation and making a documentary about documentaries.
I’ll gather a lot of film footage, some old Krazy Kat cartoons, interviews with people who hate documentaries and -- voila! -- at least 90 minutes of hoo-ha and a little more money in my corporation.
The one thing I’m not going to do is have Michael Moore in it. I’m thinking of Paris Hilton instead. She’ll do anything that’s fun.
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Al Martinez’s column appears Mondays and Fridays. He’s at al.martinez@latimes.com.
