Carrying a load

Fear grips Tonya Pinkins nightly before she steps on stage at the Ahmanson Theatre, alone, to start a performance of “Caroline, or Change,” Tony Kushner’s musical in which she plays the title character, a dowdy, downtrodden maid working for a Jewish family in the 1960s. The fear lingers even as she hits her first note.

“It’s always scary to open a show, to have the first line,” Pinkins says. “It’s wondering whether the voice will kick in, whether everything will be all right.”

More than the usual anxiety filled Pinkins last Tuesday when she started the first of the week’s performances. Few in the audience knew of the ordeal she had just endured -- a frenzied, coast-to-coast odyssey with little sleep, taking on two different roles in two very different settings. On Monday, her one day off, she had flown to New York to tape ABC’s “All My Children,” revisiting her character, Livia Frye Cudahy, a feisty lawyer she has played since 1991.

But when she hit the stage just a few hours after returning to Los Angeles, Pinkins displayed no signs of her real-life “Tonya, or Quick Change.” In fact, her performance appeared to be fueled by an extra dose of adrenaline and purpose. And one day later, she appeared refreshed and inspired. Even juggling motherhood, the play and a round of interviews to promote the production didn’t seem to faze her.

“Having this opportunity to become ‘Caroline’ fills me,” the 42-year-old actress says, relaxing in a Santa Monica cafe. Her appearance -- long brown hair, radiant features and throaty laugh -- bears no resemblance to the dour, matronly character she inhabits in the musical.

“When I go on stage, I just show up empty inside, with no makeup, and before I know it, I’m filled up,” she says. “At the end, I feel wonderful -- and really wired. I feel I can do anything. It’s a gift.”

“Caroline, or Change” is Kushner’s semiautobiographical tale of his childhood in Louisiana, growing up in a Jewish family with an African American maid. The show comes to life with inanimate objects -- a washing machine, a bus, a moon -- helping to move along the narrative. But it’s Pinkins, who is on stage in nearly every scene for 2 1/2 hours, eight performances a week, who carries the show

Now more than a year after she first took on the emotionally and vocally demanding role, starting with a Public Theater workshop and moving to Broadway, “Caroline” -- the character and the musical -- has become the artistic and personal touchstone for Pinkins. Her character’s emotional swings provide her with a vessel to channel her own doubts, anxieties and moods, good and bad. In the character of Caroline Thibodeaux, the vision of Kushner and the offstage drama of Pinkins collide, spin around and ultimately merge.

In many ways, the trials and tribulations of the embittered, emotionally scarred maid reflect aspects of Pinkins’ own life. Like Caroline, Pinkins is a divorced single mother who lives with two of her four children. Like the $30-a-week maid she plays, Pinkins has experienced financial struggles that at one point resulted in homelessness and being on welfare. She says in her four-page biography that, like Caroline, she knows what it is like to have a turbulent relationship with an ex-husband.

Says Kushner: “There are obvious biographical overlaps. She’s gone through a great deal of tumult in her life, she’s a hard worker and she has sacrificed herself without taking it out on other people. I didn’t write it with her in mind, but when I brought it to George [C. Wolfe, the director], he knew this would be a great part for her.”

Playing the role for which she was nominated for a Tony Award, Pinkins says, reflects her spiritual sensibility on how a negative situation can turn around with positive energy: “I was so vulnerable for so long. All those years, I had no place to put that rage, that anger and despair. But I always believe there is a plan, a reason why things happened. All that despair allowed me to do ‘Caroline.’

“People ask me how I can keep doing ‘Caroline’ each day. When I’m up there on stage in that character, that’s me. I don’t have to work for that. The challenge is doing it every day.”

The musical has also propelled Pinkins’ relentless drive to take on a daunting number of projects, such as teaching workshops combining spirituality and acting, and a concert saluting songwriter Harold Arlen at the Lincoln Center in February. Other plans include a talk show, a book and producing future versions of “Caroline.” She appears to have little appetite for down time.

“When I get off stage, I’m not tired, I’m wired,” she says. “I’ll sit at the computer, write a chapter in my book.”

Pinkins’ nonstop pace has alarmed Kushner: “I don’t know how she does it -- especially when she has a role as demanding as this one. I really worry about her. On her day off, she should be at home, still, with a woolen scarf wrapped around the throat. She’s a mighty force of nature. I’ve never seen Tonya give less than 110%, and yet she can’t stay still. She’s a workaholic.”

That characteristic kicked in early last week when Pinkins embarked on her grueling bicoastal sojourn.

Immediately after the curtain call at 9:58 p.m. on Dec. 5 -- her second performance that day -- Pinkins sheds her maid’s costume and short wig and quickly puts on a casual sweater, slacks and a furry brown winter coat. She warmly greets several friends who had come backstage to congratulate her, then jumps into a waiting limo that whisks her to Los Angeles International Airport.

Even though her American Airlines red-eye flight takes off in less than an hour, Pinkins shows no signs of stress. All traces of the angry Caroline have melted away. Her soft-spoken air, bordering on shyness, is worlds away from the blunt character she portrays in the musical.

“For most of the play, Caroline has all this stuff that’s just compressed, then there’s this huge eruption, then comes a calm after the storm,” Pinkins says. “It all ends with Caroline singing a lullaby. It goes to a place where I can just put it all away; I can leave all that stuff on stage. I don’t carry it with me when I leave the stage.”

Her eyes crinkle with amusement as she details how many people express surprise when they see her off stage. “They say, ‘You look so much younger, you’re beautiful.’ It’s nice and fun to hear that. In L.A., beauty is everything. In New York, it doesn’t matter. Talent is the key there -- no matter what you look like, people will remember you. My management team and I have worked since I’ve been here to make sure people know what I really look like, to take that and use it to take me to the next level.”

Relaxing in the car, she focuses on savoring the night’s performance rather than the fact that she has to go straight to work as soon as she lands. “I decided to sleep later than usual this morning, and it really seemed to help,” she says as the car races down the Harbor Freeway. “My children let me sleep late. I’ll have to do that more often.”

She makes her flight with minutes to spare, and, nestling into her seat in coach, manages to catch a few hours of sleep. After the plane arrives at LaGuardia Airport, a mix-up by the driver who is to take her to ABC Studios in Upper Manhattan makes her more than an hour late for her 8 a.m. call time.

Hurrying into ABC after 9 a.m., Pinkins is rushed into wardrobe and makeup sessions. She emerges in a festive black party dress, erasing any trace of the dowdy character she played hours before. She had done double duty before as Caroline and Livia when she was living in New York, but this was her first time playing the lawyer since the musical began its L.A. run.

“We had really wanted Tonya back for our Christmas episodes, but unfortunately it couldn’t be worked out. So we wanted to make sure we had her presence in the New Year’s Eve episodes,” says Julie Hanan Carruthers, executive producer of “All My Children.” “She has such a depth and intensity without even speaking. She’s extremely spiritual and exudes an otherworldliness. There’s a magic about her.”

In less than 12 hours, she has gone from above-the-title stage diva to just another member of a soap opera ensemble. Still, returning to “All My Children” revitalizes Pinkins, who is repeatedly embraced by cast and crew members as she navigates the hallways filled with wardrobe racks. “Tonya, you look so wonderful,” says one of the show’s cosmetic artists. “Hey, Tonya, are you still my lawyer?” asks James Scott, who plays Ethan Ramsey, one of Cudahy’s clients on trial for attempted murder.

“Being here is nothing but fun,” she says as she finally settles in an unkempt space about half the size of the immaculately kept, temperature-controlled dressing room at the Ahmanson. “Everyone who works here is fun, witty and smart. We have fun -- it’s a silly time, trying to crack each other up. I just love it.”

It’s an hour before Pinkins is called to the set, but she is used to the hurry-up-and-wait of daytime TV. When she is finally summoned, her character has no monologues, show-stopping solos or opportunities for chewing the scenery. Pinkins shares this stage with several “AMC” characters who have the majority of dialogue. After working for a total of an hour, she delivers about six lines and is excused.

Braving the freezing, rainy New York weather, Pinkins catches up on a few errands and has dinner with her 18-year-old son before finally stopping at her second home, in New Jersey. Early the following morning, she’s back on American Airlines, en route to Los Angeles for that night’s “Caroline, or Change.”

Arriving at the Ahmanson around 6:30 p.m., Pinkins feels a bit raw -- and not just from the bicoastal turnaround. Plans for a nap before show time had fallen through, and she hadn’t eaten all day.

Her schedule was thrown off by having to deal with a 12-year legal battle with ex-husband Ron Brawer. The soap opera musician filed for divorce from Pinkins soon after the actress won a Tony Award for “Jelly’s Last Jam.” He won custody of their two children. While Pinkins continued to fight to get her children back, Brawer sued her for child support. His lawyer claims Pinkins still has not paid what she owes, and on this day Pinkins’ attorney is pressing her for more information, more documents, more details.

(David Lansner, Brawer’s attorney, said the dispute has continued because Pinkins “makes an awful lot of money, and the kids should not be let out of that.”)

Restlessness and irritation dog her the rest of the evening. But soon after she steps on the Ahmanson stage, she feels energized. “Caroline” has come through for her again.

“I had a lot of stuff to get out,” she recalls later, saying her performance that night was “surreal.” “It was amazing I had so much energy. I felt great. I was mad.”

Even after the show closes in L.A. on Dec. 26, the grueling schedule will continue. “Caroline” goes next to San Francisco for a five-week run at the Curran Theatre. She wonders how audiences there will respond.

“It’s just so totally different between New York and here. Here people just come to have a good time. That doesn’t happen in New York -- they’re professional audiences. They sit back and want to be impressed.”

Pinkins is still wired as the post-performance activity backstage begins to die down. There’s one more change, one more role to take on before she can even think about sleep -- the role of mom. When she gets home at midnight, she inspects her children’s homework. And the next day will bring even more quick changes -- taking them to school, a round of interviews to promote the play, more work on her various projects.

And at evening’s end, “Caroline” will be waiting for her.