A Merry Prankster Keeps On Chuckling

As a paid professional cage rattler, I owe a debt to Voltaire, William and Mary of England, the Founding Fathers of the United States, H.L. Mencken and Lenny Bruce, among others.

Without their contributions to the evolution of free speech, I might not be able to share the opinion that second-rate minds got us into the disastrous war in Iraq, that hell’s hottest corner should be reserved for religious hypocrites and fans of Andrew Lloyd Webber, and that Michael Crichton is a menace and crackpot for suggesting that global warming is a figment of our imagination.

All of this brings me to the subject of a fellow muckraker who is 72 years old, lives in Desert Hot Springs, never learned how to drive, was labeled a “raving, unconfined nut” by the FBI and just got nominated for a Grammy.

Paul Krassner, 72?

Hard to believe. He’s the merry prankster, the unindicted co-conspirator who hung out with the Chicago 7, coined the term “Yippie” for the Youth International Party, published the counterculture Realist magazine and demanded a paternity test when People magazine called him “the father of the underground press.”

The writer and stand-up satirist has appeared on college campuses, “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” and at Desert Hot Springs Chamber of Commerce functions.

Krassner headed inland four years ago because the desert was cheaper than Venice, and followed a friend to a chamber breakfast or two.

“When the Iraq invasion began, everybody was saying the protesters were unpatriotic. I stood up and introduced myself as a local writer and comedian and antiwar patriot. I heard one person in the back of the room clapping.”

Seventy-two, and still poking people in the eye with a stick.

But you’re wondering about the Grammy, right?

Krassner had a pal whose name was in the first paragraph of this column, and I’m not talking about Voltaire or William and Mary. A package of Lenny Bruce’s best work was released on compact disc, and Krassner was nominated for writing the liner notes.

Krassner and I have a mutual friend, former merry prankster Lee Quarnstrom, who chuckled over Krassner’s nomination. The Grammys, of course, are a marketing tool of the entertainment industry.”And here’s this guy the FBI said was a raving lunatic, or whatever they called him,” said Quarnstrom. “I just found it delightful that they nominated him for a Grammy.”

Krassner was just as surprised.

“I didn’t even know they had a category in album liner notes,” he says.

Krassner wrote a 5,000-word tribute to Bruce -- a trailblazing rebel to some and a drug-addled vulgarian to others -- who trampled the conventions of polite and safe comedy, held forth on subjects such as nuclear buildups and abortion, and diabolically skewered political posers and religious frauds.

This often landed Bruce in jail for violating obscenity laws and made him the subject of a longtime campaign by comedians and activists who wanted Bruce posthumously pardoned. Krassner’s essay begins by tweaking New York Gov. George Pataki for the language Pataki used last year in granting the pardon.

“Freedom of speech is one of the great American liberties,” Pataki said, “and I hope this pardon serves as a reminder of the precious freedoms we are fighting to preserve as we continue to wage the war on terrorism.”

In his liner notes, Krassner wrote:

“Lenny would have been simultaneously outraged by the hypocrisy and amused by the irony that the governor had pardoned him in the context of justifying the invasion of Iraq.”

In summing up Bruce’s legacy, Krassner included the following from comedian George Carlin:

“Lenny Bruce opened the doors for all the guys like me; he prefigured the Free Speech Movement and helped push the culture forward into the light of open and honest expression.” Bruce went after “the powerful people, to puncture the pretentiousness and pomposity of the privileged.”

In short, he challenged authority, a calling forgotten by all the slobbering pundits and commentators who acted more like lapdogs than watchdogs when the White House sold mainstream America on the glories of war.

But what do you expect in an age in which Jack Kerouac is selling khakis for the Gap, Bob Dylan is selling lingerie for Victoria’s Secret and Robert DeNiro is selling New York City for American Express?

Krassner says he wonders what Bruce would be saying if he were alive today. Probably the same kind of things Krassner is saying.

He told me, for instance, that he can’t believe Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn’t legalized steroids yet. He shared his awards of distinction for the year of our Lord that ends tonight at midnight:

Best Perspective-Restoring Headline: Czech Supermodel Injured in Tidal Wave.

The Chutzpah Above and Beyond the Call of Duty Award: Mark Geragos, attorney for Scott Peterson, for seeking donations to continue the investigation into the murders of Peterson’s pregnant wife “to help free the man we know is innocent.”

The Best Reason for Resigning Award: A tie: to Colin Powell, who wanted to spend more time with his conscience, and to Bernard Kerik, who wanted to spend more time with his nanny.

The Most Presidential Statement Award: To George W. Bush, who said, “Today, we had a rocket attack that took a lot of lives. Any time of the year is a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life.”

With thanks to Lenny Bruce and a shout-out to Voltaire, who once said, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,” happy new year.

And don’t trust anyone over 72.