On-air fumbles

Are you ready for some low-definition TV? Before you get involved in Super Bowl XXXVIII today, here’s a replay of some of the gaffes, curiosities and otherwise odd forgettable broadcast moments of the past pro and college football seasons.

Sideline superfluities?

The appearance of more glamorous sideline reporters drew criticism, but the new hires were unapologetic. “I think I’m eye candy,” asserted 340-pound Fox reporter Tony Siragusa, a former NFL tackle.

Making a splash

From her luxury box, ESPN reporter Michele Tafoya tried to cool off squabbling fans by dumping beer on them at the Minnesota-Michigan game. She claimed it was just a few ounces; the fans claimed she emptied two cups. Instant replays were inconclusive.

Broadway Joe on Lonely Street

While being interviewed, an inebriated Joe Namath twice told a sideline reporter, “I want to kiss you.” It was ESPN’s Suzy Kolber, not Siragusa. The Chicago Tribune’s Mike Downey said it could have been worse -- at least ESPN didn’t post a graphic asking, “Should Suzy kiss Joe? Cast your vote.”

Rookie mistakes

On her debut for ABC’s “Monday Night Football,” Lisa Guerrero confused Redskin quarterback Patrick Ramsey by asking him what he had to say “with ex-teammate Laveranues Coles.” The problem: Coles was on Ramsey’s team. Guerrero did, however, get picked ahead of Siragusa for one assignment -- a spread in revealing attire in FHM (For Him Magazine).

Battle of the ABC properties!

Stuart Scott and John Anderson, anchors for ESPN’s “Sports Center,” mocked Guerrero’s boo-boo, prompting an ESPN executive to complain that the anchors “were piling on and made it personal. There’s no reason for that on our air.”

But there’s reason for this

ESPN2 reporter Thea Andrews portrayed a TV sports reporter who flirts with a player in “Playmakers,” an ESPN dramatic series that depicted pro football as a world of drugs, drunkenness and adultery.

Dittohead downfall

ESPN first-year analyst Rush Limbaugh asserted that Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb was “overrated” by liberal media types who wanted an African American to succeed. ESPN executive Mark Shapiro explained afterward, “We brought Rush in for no-holds-barred opinion. Early on, he has delivered.” Limbaugh delivered his resignation a few days later during the ensuing uproar, and McNabb went on to have a stellar season, guiding his team to the NFC championship game.

Rush worked for the wrong show!

When Limbaugh admitted he was addicted to pain pills, the Washington Times’ Patrick Hruby said the conservative commentator would have “fit right in on ‘Playmakers.’ ”

Let it roll

ABC’s John Madden won one of the Trite Trophy Broadcast Awards presented by Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columnist Gene Collier “for being on a roll with the phrase ‘on a roll.’ He used it three times in one sentence, and Al Michaels threw in a fourth superfluous use to help set a ‘Monday Night Football’ record for ‘Most Stuff on a Roll in the First Six Minutes.’ ”

Not on a roll

Jillian Barberie, the double-entendre-spouting weather gal on the “Fox’s NFL Sunday” show, hosted “The Making of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader,” which drew lower ratings than a competing segment on NBC: “The National Dog Show.”

Translation, please

CBS college football analyst Spencer Tillman said, “Remember the value of a player to his team is relative to his distance to the ball.”

Qualities a commentator needs

“I’ve been out of football, and even though I study it, I tell Greg this every weekend -- and we laugh about it -- whatever I did as a player I’ve forgotten 80% of it,” said CBS analyst Phil Simms, partner of Greg Gumbel.

He also had the prerequisites

Oakland Raiders linebacker Bill Romanowski was signed by Fox as an analyst after being sidelined because of a series of concussions.

A-Way-With-Words Award (tie)

Fox’s Terry Bradshaw called Falcons owner Arthur Blank an “idiot” for his treatment of Coach Dan Reeves, ESPN’s Scott used the term “pimp-slapped” to describe a Tennessee defeat, and Siragusa asked Coach John Fox this question after his Carolina team had won the NFC title: “How does it feel?”

His best analysis

Seldom-used CBS commentator Jerry Glanville said of his assignment to cover a game between the lowly San Diego Chargers and Detroit Lions: “I got the skim milk game -- 2% of the country.”

Turned off

Fox’s Siragusa confessed to the L.A. Daily News’ Tom Hoffarth that when he was working a New York Giants game on the sideline, he instinctively yelled out what play he thought the Giants would run. “I’m glad my mike wasn’t on,” he said in retrospect.

Could we leave it that way?