McCourt Needs a GM With the Write Stuff

YAHOOVILLE -- I know there’s talk that Oakland’s Billy Beane will be the Dodgers’ new general manager, presumably because he’s used to working for a team with no money, but maybe Super Bowl 38 will change the mind of penniless Frank McCourt once he’s anointed new Dodger owner.

Instead of taking out another loan or asking his kids to start collecting aluminum cans to pay Beane, I’d urge the Boston parking lot attendant to take a look at the success of the Carolina Panthers and reflect a little on Dodger history.

You see, the Panthers don’t make it to Super Bowl 38 if they don’t hire Marty Hurney to work as the team’s general manager. Hurney not only hired John Fox as head coach -- Fox taking a team that was 1-15 two years ago to the Super Bowl -- but he gave his blessing when it came to signing quarterback Jake Delhomme.

Hurney is so brilliant, of course, because he’s a former sportswriter.

I think it’s pretty well accepted worldwide now, or at least in L.A., that your basic everyday sportswriter could do a better job than most of the GMs in pro sports.

We’ve got some hockey writers here at the paper, and although I’ve never read anything they’ve written, I don’t imagine I’d get an argument from anyone if I told you they could do a better job of running the Dodgers than the team’s current GM.

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AS YOU know, I’ve been telling the Dodgers what to do for some time -- free of charge -- and I’d imagine that’s the kind of relationship the Boston parking lot attendant will be trying to forge with most folks he meets in L.A.

Why hire Beane when you can spend 50 cents for all the advice you need in the morning paper? OK, so I understand 50 cents could be a problem. Then I’d suggest www.latimes.com/simers.

You can look it up, the last time the Dodgers won a playoff game, a former sportswriter was working as the Dodger GM.

“If I was still running the Dodgers,” said Fred Claire, former GM and former Long Beach scribe, “I’d hire you -- just to get you off my back.”

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I’M SURE you’ve probably seen pictures on TV of “Media Tuesday” at the Super Bowl. Try to imagine one of 2,000 scribes walking around, notebook in hand, emerging from the mob years later and coming back to hold court as GM of one of the Super Bowl teams.

I’m familiar with Hurney’s work as a writer back in the ‘80s, of course, so I’m not surprised he chose a different walk of life. (Just reminding the GM of who always gets the last word, in case the former scribe has forgotten.)

“I wrote about the Redskins for the Washington Star and Times and covered eight Super Bowls,” Hurney said. “I didn’t do bad for a guy who couldn’t write.”

He made friends with Redskin GM Bobby Beathard while covering the team, which makes me wonder where Dan Evans and I went wrong.

The Redskins hired Hurney to work in public relations. That gives you a clue as to what kind of stories he was writing for the Washington Times. (Just reminding the GM, the pen is mightier than the “all access” Super Bowl pass, in case the former scribe has forgotten.)

When Beathard moved on to San Diego, Hurney tagged along, obviously unaware that the team was owned by a pair of Goofs. He took up surfing and ran in marathons to make Beathard happy, and looking at him now it’s obvious he no longer cares whether Beathard is happy. In fact, he looks more like a sportswriter now than he did when he was a sportswriter.

“I’m not a talent evaluator, not a personnel guy, not a coach,” said Hurney, who apparently doesn’t do anything. “I have a feel for the big picture. That’s what sportswriters do. They observe, ask questions, listen and then try to put things in context.”

At this point, there were a dozen reporters surrounding Hurney, hanging on his every word like he had something to say. If only that many people had read his sports stories, he might have his own TV show now.

“You’re just here to heckle me, aren’t you?” Hurney said, and why would I treat him different from any other GM.

So I asked, “As smart as everyone thinks you are now, as Super Bowl GM of the Panthers, how come you guys opened the season with an aging Rodney Peete as your starting quarterback?”

Hurney didn’t hesitate.

“John Fox is right over there in Booth 11,” he said, and I was glad to see the former sportswriter still knows whom to blame.

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RAN INTO Jim Steeg, the NFL’s Super Bowl honcho, and, given the frigid conditions here, I said, “Don’t you wish now this Super Bowl was in L.A.?”

“Where the hell is L.A.?” responded Steeg, who by this time had removed his ear muffs, scarf and gloves.

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THOUSANDS OF reporters are here, their newspapers spending money for airfare, hotels and food, and this is what they got from New England Coach Bill Belichick: “Football is your team against their team.”

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I’M HAPPY to report I was wrong. When I spotted a broadcaster wearing a Lone Ranger-like mask and a green and orange cape over tights, asking stupid questions, I thought the NFL had issued a media credential to Fox’s Jack Haley.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Rebecca Waack:

“I was driving in to work and heard you on NPR ripping apart Houston. You are totally out of line. Houston is trying to remind people that we exist? Get over yourself. I moved [to Southern California] two years ago ... “

Well, of course you did.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.