Never, Ever Heard THAT on the Road

Cyber columnist Bob Patterson noticed that a movie crew working in Westwood posted a sign that said, “Filming Area -- Profanity May Be Heard.” Yes, and most of the profanities were probably being uttered by drivers caught in the inevitable traffic disruption.

Dueling signs: The latest winners in this column’s never-ending competition were submitted by Wes Hughes of Riverside, who found a one-stop shopping/treatment area for smokers, and by Gary Whittington of Sunland, who noticed a one- or possibly no-stop intersection.

These shots go into my Dueling Signs Hall of Fame, along with such immortals as a McHealth tip, a dental dilemma by David Terlinden and a cultural stew by Robert Bahn (see photos).

Taking self-serve too far: The San Clemente Sun-Post said “a gas station employee reported that a vehicle drove off with the nozzle still in the tank, damaging the pump. The driver eventually returned to the station and exchanged information.” And gas station equipment.

Jinxed from the start: I wrote previously that new Laker Karl Malone, who has been on the sidelines for several weeks with an injury, was featured on the February cover of Men’s Fitness -- with the ironic headline, “The NBA’s Fittest Man.” Now I see where Malone is on the cover of the March issue of Slam, which apparently also went to press before his mishap. This story talks about his longevity and endurance (“he plays 35 or so minutes a night”). Please, no more cover stories about the poor guy, so he can recover.

That’s TV, by jove! My former colleague Miles Corwin was in New York to be interviewed on television about his book, “Homicide Special,” his account of a year spent with an elite LAPD detective unit.

It was the usual rush-rush atmosphere in the studio. Just before he was to go on the air, his interviewer-to-be said to him, “Lady Di -- murdered or accident?” Corwin demurred, explaining that he hadn’t really studied the case.

“Aren’t you from the London Telegraph?” the interviewer asked, apparently not noticing Corwin’s L.A. accent.

Name game: Tom Russ of El Segundo notes that a story in The Times about a convicted killer’s case involved a jailhouse informant named Edward Floyd Fink.

And Michael Mittelstaedt of Anaheim recalls that when he joined the Westminster police department years ago, “the supervisor in charge of narcotics was Sgt. Ernie High.”

miscelLAny: The latest issue of California Lawyer has an article titled, “Lies and Lying Liars.” Surprisingly enough, it’s not a how-to piece for lawyers, though. It’s all about how to detect liars.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.