‘Bray for the Dodgers’ Has a Nice Ring to It

When I heard the Dodgers were considering a mascot, I was thrilled, figuring they had finally embraced my idea of the donkey.

They didn’t seem to show a lot of interest last year when I first brought it up, but I’m guessing as soon as the Boston Parking Lot Attendant bought the Dodgers, the idea of a donkey’s being the team mascot made a lot more sense.

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I SUGGESTED parking the donkey just beyond center field and putting Sports Editor Bill Dwyre on its back so he could wave to the kids before each game in The Times’ continuing effort to appeal to young readers. This would give Dwyre something to do, at the same time keeping him from writing any stories for the newspaper in The Times’ continuing effort to appeal to young readers.

I thought the Dodgers might take the easy way out and go with some kind of Dodger Dog mascot, you know, like the Brewers, who have their Italian sausage, bratwurst and hot dog running races during games. To make it realistic, you’d probably have to hire a guy like Shawn Bradley to dress up like a Dodger Dog, and knowing how cheap the Boston Parking Lot Attendant can be, I’m not sure he’d be willing to pick up the tab for that dog.

When I started the “Save Our Season” (SOS) campaign a year ago, I selected the donkey as a mascot in response to the monkey that had single-handedly led the Angels to a World Series victory. I would have rather seen them hire Mike Scioscia, but that’s another story.

The Dodgers shot down the donkey idea, and the rest is Choking Dogs’ history, which brings us to Lon Rosen, the Dodgers’ new VP in charge of painting a happy face on everything, who said Monday, “I think two-thirds of the major league baseball teams have mascots.... We’re going to take a look at it and talk to people about it.”

On Wednesday he said, “A mascot is not something we’re working on.”

You can see he’s going to fit in nicely with the Dodgers’ front office.

I found all this confusing, so I called Rosen. I was excited to talk to him because I knew the team had conducted a high-level search for a marketing whiz, and had somehow landed the brains behind “The Magic Hour.” (I guess the guy who came up with the idea for the “Chevy Chase Show” was unavailable.)

I knew what Rosen had done for Magic Johnson’s talk-show career, so I couldn’t wait to hear what he had in mind for the Dodgers.

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ROSEN SAID he had never said the Dodgers were considering a mascot, even though he had said it to our reporter, who wrote it down. I guess the Screaming Meanie, a.k.a. Jamie McCourt, hadn’t warned him: “This is bad because you guys remember everything, and you write everything down.”

Rosen is a former agent, so it’s not surprising you can’t believe everything he has to say. He said there had been no talk of bringing in cheerleaders or putting Dancing Barry to work. That’s what he said. But there had been a rumor that the Dodgers were seriously looking at cheerleaders, which might be true, although it apparently has nothing to do with hiring them.

He said he had limited the play of organist Nancy Bea Hefley, saying, “Nancy is all for it,” and I remind you, he’s a former agent.

Next week he’s visiting Fenway Park, and I’d imagine that if the Red Sox are doing anything to fire up their fans, beyond paying good money to bring in better ballplayers, you’ll be experiencing it soon. There was also talk that “The Magic Hour” brain trust wanted Vin Scully to start interviewing celebrities during games -- beginning recently with Nick Lachey’s visit to Dodger Stadium. For obvious reasons it didn’t happen.

“There’s been some talk of pointing a celebrity out in the crowd in the future,” Scully said, but I got the impression if that happened, it would actually be a celebrity.

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ROSEN SAID he’d checked with the players to see what they wanted -- besides the millions of dollars they were paid and the other perks they received at the ballpark -- and that the players asked for more noise to keep them energized. I guess millions of dollars aren’t enough.

For all we know, the additional stadium noise might have led to Milton Bradley’s little tantrum. For years, we’ve been told that kind of thing happens when you’re pounded relentlessly by rock ‘n’ roll, and that beats telling everyone you’re prone to acting like a 3-year-old every so often.

Rosen said the Dodgers had played better since changing from organ music to noise. He also told the Washington Post in 1998, “[Magic] is improving every day” on “The Magic Hour.”

“What I’m doing here is re-branding the Dodgers,” Rosen said. “Sports and entertainment have changed, and while we’re sensitive to what our older fans want, we’re looking at some other forms of entertainment.”

Last week, we got the Kiss Cam, which featured Stu Nahan going at it with the woman sitting beside him. The Dodgers got so fired up, they went on to win, 10-0.

“We’re also doing more with the players in the community,” Rosen said. “The other day, Milton Bradley spoke to a group of kids....”

Yeah, that’s the Dodger role model I want out there with the kids in the community. As long as the Dodgers are going to trot out someone who acts like a horse’s behind, I don’t understand why they’re balking at making the donkey their mascot.

We could even call it “Milton” and have it go “hee-haw” on DiamondVision every time Bradley goes bonkers. Maybe he’d even realize how foolish he looks.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.