Inspired by Art Imitating ‘Gilligan’

Sometimes I’ll be riding my bike through Griffith Park or driving along the coast and get a spark of inspiration, totally out of the blue. I think it’s because there’s so much creative energy in the air here in the entertainment capital of the world.

Take, for example, the DreamWorks SKG release “Surviving Christmas,” starring Ben Affleck and James Gandolfini, who played mob boss Tony Soprano on HBO. Do you have any idea how much creativity it must have taken for SKG (Spielberg, Katzenberg and Geffen) to talk themselves into launching that dud?

Confession: I didn’t see the movie, because “Surviving Christmas” didn’t survive Thanksgiving. I saw the trailer, however, and fought the temptation to set myself ablaze in the theater. If Tony Soprano had paid $9 to see “Surviving Christmas,” all the people associated with the movie would have had their legs broken.

But I believe it’s wrong for the media to focus on Hollywood’s flops when the industry produces so much fare it can be genuinely proud of. So today I’d like to talk about next week’s TBS premiere of “The Real Gilligan’s Island.”

What is it, exactly? Are they telling me I’ve burned countless hours watching a fake “Gilligan’s Island”?

I had those questions, and more, when I started seeing full-page ads for the new show in The Times, and let me tell you something about full-page ads in The Times. I buy what they’re selling because they’re paying my salary.

When a group called Exodus took out a full-page ad saying it could cure homosexuality, I called to see what else they could cure and gave them a whole column of free publicity.

So I’m definitely going to watch “The Real Gilligan’s Island,” which has a website that answered all my questions. Turns out this is yet another great American reality show, just to tick off whatever’s left of the Taliban.

The setup is that two SS Minnows are shipwrecked on a deserted island, and matching characters from each boat compete for supremacy.

Hooray for Hollywood!

In other words, two Gilligans go at each other for the chance to be smacked in the head by two Skippers, or something like that, so we can all grow in our appreciation of the arts.

I can see this working if, instead of eating maggots as they do on other reality shows, the Gingers and Professors and Thurston Howells begin snacking on one another and then turn their appetites on the show’s creators.

And who are those creators?

The show’s website fills us in.

“The producers of ‘Gilligan’s Island’ are teaming with the producers of ‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’ to bring you ‘The Real Gilligan’s Island.’ ”

Hollywood’s version of the Algonquin Round Table.

While perusing the “Gilligan” website, I came upon a potentially life-changing opportunity. It turns out that although they’ve already booked both Minnows with a full cast, there could still be an opening or two.

From the website:

“So if you’re the perfect Gilligan, Skipper, Thurston or Lovey Howell, Ginger Grant, Mary Ann, or the Professor (just what was his name, anyway?), fill out the application and mail it in, along with a video of yourself telling us why you’d make a great castaway.”

I immediately called the Casting Hotline at (888) 634-4550.

“You have not missed the boat,” said a recording, instructing callers to fill out applications on the show’s website. “The deadline has passed, but we are still accepting taped submissions.”

I’ve got experience, you know. In the interest of anthropology, I stood in a long line and tried out for Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice.” When I asked another contestant why she was there, she said she wanted to make a difference.

Another contestant told me he had been a military interrogator, trying to squeeze information out of prisoners at Guantanamo. They should have threatened inmates with a Ben Affleck Film Festival.

Trump himself gave me a wink after I answered questions, and his people said they’d call to let me know if I was in.

It was their loss, and besides, I’d rather develop my craft on a fresh and challenging project like “The Real Gilligan’s Island.”

“Are you a fan of the original ‘Gilligan’s Island’ series?” asks the Gilligan questionnaire.

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale.

“What would you miss most if you were stranded on a deserted island?”

The No. 3 platter at Los Tacos on Santa Monica Boulevard.

“What type of people would you NOT want to share the island with?”

Selfish people.

“What would be your favorite part of being stranded on a deserted island?”

Ginger and Mary Ann.

“Have you ever had a restraining order issued against you?”

Not that I can recall.

“Are you a legal resident of the United States?”

What are you implying?

“What fears do you have about being on ‘The Real Gilligan’s Island’?”

Being typecast as a coconut-headed nitwit. Sooner or later someone in this town is going to make “The Real Mr. Ed,” and I don’t want anyone to think I can’t keep growing as an artist, no matter how high Hollywood raises the bar.

Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes.com and read previous columns at latimes.com/lopez