Sharing Dodgers’ Glory Without a Playoff Share

Walking the Dogs all the way to the finish line....

One more victory, and the Dodgers are National League West champs all by themselves, and you can just imagine how happy that’s going to make me feel.

I’d be lying, though, if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed. I had already decided to donate the full share of playoff money the players were undoubtedly going to give me for getting them this far only to learn Thursday it might not happen.

I find it hard to believe the Dodgers would shortchange the poor kids at the Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to them.

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IN SOME respects the Dodgers’ making the playoffs and then not giving someone their proper due is troubling. I had already taken it for granted, of course, that after all the name-calling and bad things they had to say about Page 2 this season, they’d be bigger than that. In fact, I had e-mailed the big boss, Times Editor John Carroll, to make sure it’d be all right to accept the bonus money from the guys.

I made it clear in my e-mail to the big boss, of course, that this had nothing to do with the glaring fact that I’m seriously underpaid as a columnist.

“Feel free to accept the bonus money,” Carroll wrote in his reply. “I can see why the ‘Choking Dogs’ would want to express thanks for your support.”

I’d like to pause here and point out that it’s Carroll, the big boss at The Times, who referred to our beloved playoff--bound heroes as the “Choking Dogs.”

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I DIGRESS. The big boss, as he likes to be called, continued his long-winded e-mail by writing, “We’ll reduce your bloated salary accordingly, and with whatever is left over going to charity. And thanks again for losing us all those subscribers.”

I mentioned the big boss’ inspirational response to Adrian Beltre, and he said, “So your bosses don’t like you either,” and Beltre can be such a kidder.

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SHAWN GREEN said the players might reconsider, but right now I wouldn’t be getting any playoff money because I had made too many enemies in the clubhouse. I had no idea Kevin Brown still had a say in this.

The Angels voted to give Jose Guillen a full playoff share, so obviously the decision to award money is not a popularity contest. In fact, it’s automatic -- if you’ve been with the team all year, you get a full share, and who has been with the Dodgers more than Page 2? I’ve written nine columns in the past 10 days, which is more than Hee-Seop Choi has contributed.

“If you think the players are going to vote to give you a playoff share,” Green said, “I wouldn’t hold your breath,” which was better than him suggesting I should hold my breath and wait for the players to change their minds.

Cesar Izturis, however, gave me knuckles, Steve Finley offered to give me a high-five and make it 10 with both palms outstretched, and Eric Gagne said he’d send a check with his contribution and I should just wait for it.

“You get my vote,” said Alex Cora, “but I don’t know about the starting pitcher [Jose Lima.]” If I promise to put his name in the newspaper, shoot, he’ll vote for me to be president.

When I put the question to Beltre -- who has done more to get the Dodgers to the playoffs? He said he has. I was stunned.

I asked how many times he has struck out, and he said more than 80 times -- or 80-plus times more than Page 2. I asked if he thought I hit a home run on occasion while writing, and he had to admit it was probably more than the measly 47 or so he has hit this season.

“I was behind you all the way,” Beltre said, “but I think it was Green who voted against you, and it has to be unanimous or you don’t get the full share. Maybe you should write some nice things about him.”

Maybe he should hit more home runs, and watch, it’ll probably be his home run this weekend that puts the Dodgers over the top and he’ll take full credit.

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ANYWAY, HERE’S the rotten deal: The Dodgers already have decided to give a full share -- more than $300,000 if they win the World Series -- to Jason Grabowski, who has two hits in his last 28 at-bats. Let’s see them get to the World Series with Grabowski -- and without any further help from Page 2.

Who am I kidding? They know I’ll be there for them full share or not. If they thought I’d go away happy, they’d have taken up a collection a long time ago to get rid of me.

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IT WAS a little confusing at first with the Dodgers’ public address announcer saying it was Tom Lasorda’s “55th anniversary with the Dodgers,” and then David Letterman appearing on the message board and congratulating him for his “50 years” with the team. Fortunately Jay Leno cleared it up, congratulating Lasorda on his “125 years” with the Dodgers. (Leno proving that he’s funnier than Letterman too.)

Lasorda delivered a stirring speech -- does he deliver any other kind -- and they wheeled out a cake. Lasorda kept his hands in his pocket so he wouldn’t start eating right away, and President Bush appeared on the message board and said, “The game of baseball is better for the contributions of this good man.”

Then about a dozen Dodger coaches and players came out of the dugout to shake his hand and hug him, while the other dozen or so players remained sitting in the dugout. I presume they were saving themselves for the game, or maybe they just lacked good manners.

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TODAY’S LAST word is miracle: The Dodgers win with Lima pitching and David Ross homering.

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Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.