Breaking News at USC Makes This Fan Unhappy

A few years ago, before Mike Garrett and I became best friends, I would’ve reacted differently, pouncing on the ridiculous and stupid remarks coming out of USC.

It wouldn’t have mattered whether Garrett had actually uttered the remarks because I’d have assumed that whoever said them was just trying to be like Mike.

But things changed when I became a Die-Hard Trojan Fan (Until They Lose), and so I went to the campus Thursday to give Coach Pete Carroll a chance to clarify his recent ridiculous and stupid remarks or inform him he’d be getting the Karl Dullard treatment on Page 2.

When I arrived, I was told Uncle Pete was playing basketball inside a nearby building. I was concerned, of course, knowing how competitive he can be and what a bad jump shot he has, and so I was hoping he wasn’t playing for money. If he was and lost as I’d expect, I was hoping he’d immediately pay up.

I had read earlier in the newspaper that Uncle Pete didn’t think it was a big deal to renege on a bet, owe someone money and then duke it out. If someone’s jaw got broken, oh well.

I waited anxiously, wondering whether he’d survive his basketball skirmish and I’d get the chance to talk to him before they wired his mouth shut. When Uncle Pete emerged from the gym, he spotted me and muttered something about just having made the game-winning shot. What a relief to know he was probably practicing inside by himself.

I told him I couldn’t believe the ridiculous and stupid remarks he made in the newspaper dismissing the fight between USC flanker Steve Smith and tight end Dominique Byrd.

One of the players said the kind of silly, macho thing you’d expect an athlete to say, or as Smith put it: “I was like, ‘You know, Byrd ... I really don’t want to fight you.’ [And] he was like, ‘Nah, we’ve got to.’ So I swung.”

And broke Byrd’s jaw. Fight on!

I expected more from Carroll than what I read in the newspaper, the coach telling The Times’ Gary Klein, “Did you ever fight with your brother? ... I’m sorry that somebody got hurt, but other than that it’s not a big deal. They’re fine about it.”

Byrd wasn’t available for comment, still sipping his meals through a straw last week, as one USC sports information spokesman said, so I’ll take Uncle Pete’s word for it that Byrd is fine about it.

*

HEY, I understand why Uncle Pete would want this story to go away, but is this the message USC wants to deliver:

As long as the guys are fine with it, what’s the problem if they beat up each other to settle their differences?

“This isn’t being taken lightly,” Carroll said. “The players are embarrassed, and the program is embarrassed. These are not actions representative of what we’re all about here. We need to represent ourselves in a much better fashion in all ways.”

What a relief to learn I wouldn’t have to give him the Dullard treatment.

*

A LAKER official told a crowd of about 600 season-ticket holders Wednesday night at Staples Center that the team would not lower season-ticket prices next season. Look on the bright side, you’ll be paying Brian Grant $14 million to sit right along with you.

*

THE DODGERS are 6-2, but not everyone is as happy as I am:

DARI MACKENZIE called to say: “I’ve been a season-ticket holder since 1972,” and she has been receiving a recorded message for the last three days every time she tries to call the Dodgers with a request for a “happy birthday” for her husband on the message board at Dodger Stadium today.

“I even went to the Dodgers’ website, wrote a polite e-mail, hit the ‘send message’ button and it went to another page with a note saying the website was under construction,” Mackenzie said. “They’ve bumped prices, we’re being assaulted by ads -- I hate that ribbon band -- there are no names on the back of the uniforms, and I’m disgruntled. I just want a ‘happy birthday’ for my husband.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROBERT MACKENZIE! Your wife says you’re not crazy about counting all those birthdays, so we won’t make a big deal out of No. 55. (Yikes.)

*

PHIL SPERLING e-mailed to say: “If you ever need any input as to how the McCourts have bamboozled longtime season-ticket holders in the new field-level base-line seats, I’d be happy to talk. Four seats and a parking pass for $24,000 and you can’t see over the person in front of you. There is virtually NO RISE between the rows and you just cannot see. These seats were so late being installed it was impossible to sit in them before buying them. No one seated around me on opening day was happy with these VIP seats. The guy next to me was calling his credit card company to put a stop payment on the charge.”

You probably missed it, but the Dodgers won on opening day.

*

ANDY AND DARLENE CARLMARK e-mailed to say: “Our family attended games at both Angel Stadium and Dodger Stadium [the last week]. After experiences at both stadiums, I can tell you I look forward to another game at Angel Stadium and would consider refusing tickets to see the Dodgers. I had hoped to share my opinions with the Dodger management, but there is no e-mail address to use on the Dodger website ... and now to my biggest complaint. When did ‘Giants suck’ become an acceptable cheer at a stadium with kids, including my 6-year-old, and especially when it is encouraged by the organ at Dodger Stadium? This is totally unacceptable and Dodger management should be ashamed, especially if they are encouraging families to attend.”

I called the Dodgers and asked for Frank McCourt’s e-mail address to pass on to fans, but the Dodgers refused to give it. They prefer you pay the postage, and write him at 1000 Elysian Park Ave., L.A. 90012.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in a note left by the wife Thursday morning:

“Have a great day; see you tonight. P.S. Please, don’t antagonize the neighbors.”

Can’t imagine they can bark any more than their ugly dogs do.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@ latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.