Long Drive Failed to Help His Short Game

Mike Austin, who is recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest drive in a professional golf tournament, died last week at 95. His 1974 blast, in windy Las Vegas, traveled 515 yards on a par-four 450-yard hole.

Austin’s wife, Tanya, was quoted in Travel and Leisure magazine as saying, “It was like God held the ball in the air.”

Writes Ron Kantowski in the Las Vegas Sun: “But apparently, the Big Hitter in the Sky didn’t follow Austin’s group from tee to green. Austin pitched back onto the green and then three-putted for bogey. John Daly can certainly relate to that.”

Trivia time: The NCAA started keeping track of basketball scoring leaders in 1948. Since then, who was the only player who has led the nation in scoring while playing for a national championship team?

Barroom humor: Christopher Noteboom made headlines Sunday for running onto the field at Philadelphia and spreading his mother’s ashes during a game between the Eagles and Green Bay Packers.

Turns out he’s the owner of a bar and it’s quite an establishment, according to a posting on deadspin.com: “It’s a rough biker bar, the type of place you wouldn’t be surprised to find a stray eyeball on the floor after a bar fight.”

Sounds like a watering hole for Raider fans.

She’s a player: Jay Leno’s take: “A man was arrested for running on the field Sunday during the Green Bay Packers-Philadelphia Eagles game. He told police he was spreading his mother’s ashes on the field. His mother’s ashes scored twice against the Packers.”

Fast times: Former Dallas Cowboy-turned-ESPN analyst Michael Irvin, who was accused of going 78 in a 60-mph zone and being in possession of drug paraphernalia, violated basic rules of the road, writes David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram:

“Rule No. 1: Don’t drive around with something illegal in your car. Rule No. 2: If you break Rule No. 1, don’t speed.”

A likely story: Noting that Irvin told police the “drug pipe” belonged to a friend, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald reported, “Irvin was charged with one count of misdemeanor possession of a lame excuse.”

Add Cote: The columnist further reports, “Scientists studying the growing worldwide threat of Asian bird flu said there is thus far only insubstantial evidence to back a claim that the cause of the outbreak might have been Michael Irvin’s friend.”

No, to be a Niner: Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle on the 49ers’ prospects of landing USC’s Reggie Bush: “If the 49ers get first pick and Bush sees a film clip of the offensive line, he might declare himself eligible for the NBA draft.”

Trivia answer: Clyde Lovellette, who averaged 28.4 points for Kansas in 1952.

And finally: Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury News on Terrell Owens: “He’s an elite athlete being denied the chance to play. Basically, a modern-day Muhammad Ali, but without the cause, the courage, the wit or integrity.”