Writers Guild motto: ‘I’m OK, all 67 of you are OK’

Write on. And on....

The Writers Guild Awards could use a few good editors.

As a rule, nearly every writer would rather fatten than trim. Which is why there is something deliciously appropriate about last week’s Writers Guild of America award nominations, in which some categories seem to sport as many names as the end credits of “King Kong.”

Television categories were announced first for the Feb. 4 awards, with film nominations due out next month. That sounds appropriate, since TV scribes are usually faster off the mark than their plodding counterparts in film.

In case you missed it, here is a list of nominees for outstanding achievement in writing for a dramatic series, a new category:

Jeffrey J. (J.J. to everyone else) Abrams, Kim Clements, Carlton Cuse, Leonard Dick, Paul Dini, Brent Fletcher, David Fury, Drew Goddard, Javier Grillo-Marxuach ... (stop to catch breath)

... Adam Horowitz, Jennifer M. Johnson, Christina M. Kim, Edward Kitsis, Jeffrey Lieber ... (pause to return a phone call)

... Damon L. Lindelof, Lynne Litt, Monica Macer, Steven Maeda, Elizabeth Sarnoff ... (take a restroom break)

... Janet Tamaro, Christian M. Taylor and Craig Wright.

And that’s just for one show, “Lost.”

“There’s so many of them some could get lost on the way to the stage to accept,” said Tim O’Donnell, a former Writers Guild board member.

Add those “Lost” writers to the other nominees in the dramatic series category and you’ve got 67 people in the running for a single award.

Then add those nominees to the other two new categories this year -- comedy series and new series -- and that’s a minimum of 172 additional chicken cordon bleus (not counting spouses or dates) that need to be prepared before the dinner guests arrive.

This may be the first award show that needs a fire marshal more than it does a master of ceremonies.

Writers as a group tend to feel chronically overlooked, so upping the odds of winning may have collective psychic benefits. Writers often don’t get thanked when actors, directors and producers shine in the glory of their awards. So the chance to be honored by fellow scribes is welcomed.

The WGA ceremony provides a service if for no other reason than it allows writers to gather for one night a year to complain over creme brulee about narrow-minded TV executives, studio chiefs and directors.

It also allows a notoriously introverted group of people, who often work in T-shirts and jeans, a rare night on the town.

“Tux rentals spike right before the Writers Guild Awards night,” said Aaron Mendelsohn, a WGA board member who sits on its awards committee.

Compared with the star wattage you find at the Screen Actors Guild awards, Golden Globes or Oscars, the WGA’s event isn’t one of the season’s most exciting shows. Still, the guild hopes to shop a tape of its awards to various cable networks, hoping they will televise it, as Bravo did once. Given the number of nominee names that now have to be read, C-SPAN may be the only hope.

“They should start the show now if they want to finish by Feb. 4,” O’Donnell said.

Mendelsohn said the broad new categories weren’t created to soothe hurt feelings. They were added because TV writing is such a collaborative effort that a more sweeping honor was needed.

“Coming up with interesting characters and compelling story lines week after week after week is such an incredibly difficult job,” Mendelsohn explained. “It requires a great deal of finesse and coordination.”

In the past, writers of specific episodes would be nominated, which is what the Emmys do and what the Writers Guild still does for other awards.

But that usually results in only a few writers having a chance to win, leaving sour grapes among the rest who believe their knee-slapping or tear-jerking episodes were overlooked. So at least the odds are a little better now.

Nonetheless, it’s yet more awards proliferation in an industry in which anyone old enough to buy liquor is eligible for a lifetime achievement honor.

The whole trend of broadening and expanding categories, on top of the move to create bogus award shows for TV ratings, is threatening to turn Hollywood into something akin to the kind of youth sports that honor virtually everyone so nobody goes home feeling bad.

Pretty soon, all it will take is a couple of snack duties to get a writing, directing or acting trophy. But don’t expect the Writers Guild ceremony to change anytime soon.

Writers don’t especially like anyone messing with their words, so it’s a safe bet they won’t take kindly to suggestions to tweak their awards.

A joke that writers tell about themselves involves one scribe asking another how many of them it takes to change a light bulb.

“Change?” the writer responds. “What needs to be changed?”

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James Bates is deputy entertainment editor at the Los Angeles Times. He writes Behind the Screens as a regular column for The Envelope (theenvelope.latimes.com), a Times website devoted to Hollywood’s award season.