Shaq Can Wrestle With This Innovation

Miami Heat Coach Pat Riley should have known better. As soon as Riley mentioned Shaquille O’Neal and sumo wrestlers in the same sentence, the temptation was simply too great.

The Miami Herald’s Greg Cote was the first to pounce on Riley’s idea of having a couple of sumotoris teach Shaq how to better overcome NBA defenders.

“Have Shaq play wearing a mawashi, one of those cheek-baring sumo diapers,” Cote suggested.

“Picture it. The Big Derriere backing at you in that, and tell me you’re not backing away from him even faster?

“Call it the Heat’s new championship strategy. Moons over Miami.”

Trivia time: In the 1984 NBA draft that produced Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Charles Barkley and John Stockton, whom did the Clippers pick first?

Satisfaction: Indianapolis deserves to be 13-2, according to syndicated columnist Norman Chad, who argues that the Colts are a sure bet to go all the way.

“They will end the suspense in the Super Bowl by the half,” he predicted, “at which time the suspense will surround the ability of the Rolling Stones to perform two songs without needing medical attention.”

A regular joker: Penn State Coach Joe Paterno, 79, and Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden, 76, “reportedly will be allowed to wear slippers on the sidelines” at the Orange Bowl, wrote Bob Wojnowski of the Detroit News.

“Fans should be riveted to the end,” he added, “when the winning coach gets dumped with the ceremonial bucket of Metamucil.”

Bowled over: Noting that the Rose Bowl is “the only one of the 28 bowl games that truly matters,” Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News said he felt out of place in Orlando, Fla., the site of Tuesday’s Champs Sports Bowl between Colorado and Clemson.

“If I feel a little unnecessary,” he wrote, “I wonder what must the guys be feeling at the Auto Zone Bowl and Gaylord Hotels Bowl and not to forget the Chick-fil-A, a testament to that great southern tradition of fried fowl and bad spelling.”

Tackle this: Far happier at Colorado coming to town was the Orlando Sentinel’s Jerry Greene, but not for football.

“The first things I noticed were her beautiful eyes and delicate lashes,” Greene began. “The second thing I noticed was the wicked curved horns. Reminded me of someone I dated in college.”

The object of Greene’s admiration? Ralphie IV, Colorado’s 1,100-pound buffalo.

“She may be the greatest mascot in college sports,” Greene said. “When she races at up to 25 mph with ‘handlers’ hanging on for their lives, it is a lot more impressive than some kid dressed up like a carrot.”

Trivia answer: Lancaster Gordon.

And finally: This was the year, said Sporting News columnist Dave Kindred, that “Jeff Gordon won Daytona again, Venus Williams won Wimbledon again, Tiger Woods won the Masters again, Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France again, the Patriots won the Super Bowl again, and Phil Jackson told Kobe Bryant, ‘Yep, me again.’ ”