Where Appearances Are Big, Many Made a Scene

Call them “Desperate Moguls,” as in desperate to polish their legacies in Hollywood before it’s too late.

Ex-agent Michael Ovitz spent the latter part of 2004 on a Delaware witness stand, attempting to restore a reputation damaged eight years ago while serving as president of Walt Disney Co. Disney Chief Executive Michael Eisner, meanwhile, tried for much of the year to solidify his standing after angry shareholders demanded his exit come sooner than Tomorrowland.

Nor were they the only ones in Hollywood who found their images in need of a little buffing, given the lowlights of the last 12 months:

Makes those Pepsi ads look like a bargain ...

The FCC’s proposed $550,000 indecency fine against CBS for Janet Jackson’s breast-baring incident at the Super Bowl halftime show works out to $183,333.33 for every second of exposure.

Sounds more like Cheap Trick ...

After Avril Lavigne’s record label paid a Nashville radio station to play the pop rocker’s “Don’t Tell Me” as an advertisement, it aired 18 times one Sunday morning, sometimes as frequently as 11 minutes apart, and pushed its way up the Billboard charts.

That guy in ‘Terminator’ was unavailable ...

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger named his “Twins” co-star Danny DeVito to the California Film Commission.

Maybe he was just practicing to be a script doctor ...

The Writers Guild of America, West, had three presidents in less than three months, including one who resigned after making unsubstantiated claims that he once served as a top-secret military intelligence officer and had played college football under another name.

But gift wrapping was free ...

Items Ovitz asked to be reimbursed for included $53 in Disney baby apparel for actor Tom Cruise; $65 for Disney clothing and a pen for Oprah Winfrey; and $68 in videos for David Letterman’s birthday.

The goal was to find WMDs (Weapons of Monetary Destruction) ...

Court papers in a lawsuit over whether Ovitz should have been paid a hefty severance package showed Disney christened a top-secret evaluation of his spending habits as “Project MSO,” after his initials.

But what about the tens of millions who feel like they already know too much? ...

In announcing a new talk show starring convicted felon Martha Stewart, producer Mark Burnett said her legal troubles had generated interest among “millions more who want to know more about Martha.”

Imagine if she’d had twins ...

Mindy Herman, the former head of E! Networks, reimbursed the cable channel nearly $8,000 after underlings complained that company funds were used to pay for her baby shower.

They can gather in the backyard for an Incredible barbecue ...

After his company broke off talks with partner Walt Disney, Pixar Animation Studios Inc. Chairman Steve Jobs said every studio chief in Hollywood would “love to come to my house for dinner.”

It’s for people -- people who need help voting ...

On her website, Barbra Streisand provided a link to the 31st Annual People’s Choice Awards to vote for Michael Moore’s President Bush-bashing documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11” for “Favorite Movie.”

Imitation is the sincerest form of surgery ...

The producers of a transgender reality series called “Sex Change” sued the makers of a rival reality show called “He’s a Lady,” saying they had stolen their idea.

With questions like these, he could be forgiven for giving the cold shoulder ...

Eisner, in an appearance on “Larry King Live,” was asked by a caller about the myth that Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen.

He still gets only one bag of peanuts ...

In a Securities and Exchange Commission filing, DreamWorks Animation SKG Inc. said Chief Executive Jeffrey Katzenberg would “be entitled to industry-customary perks as are normally made available to entertainment industry studio chiefs,” including not having to fly commercial.

If he could be thawed, we’d just ask him ...

Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael K. Powell wondered “if Walt Disney would be proud” after the company’s ABC network promoted the show “Desperate Housewives” by staging a racy locker room romp between actress Nicollette Sheridan and Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens.

Of course, if Trump were on “CSI,” the autopsy would show he’s heartless ...

Donald Trump said that if CBS Chief Executive Leslie Moonves was a contestant on his reality show “The Apprentice,” “he would have been fired by the third episode.”

Help wanted: senior vice president, mail delivery ...

A judge ruled that Universal Studios and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. forfeited more than $25 million because they could not produce postal receipts proving that they met a deadline to apply for royalties for use of their films by cable and satellite providers.

Why Eisner will always remember the Daily Oklahoman’s film critic

A sampling of headlines from reviews of Disney’s “The Alamo”: Don’t Bother Remembering New Version of Alamo (the Commercial Appeal in Memphis, Tenn.); You Probably Won’t Remember This Alamo (Utah Statesman); You Won’t Remember This Alamo For Very Long (Charleston Gazette); This Alamo Not Worth Remembering (Orange County Register); Don’t Bother Remembering This Alamo (St. Louis Post-Dispatch); Forget This Alamo (Los Angeles Times); Finally a Movie Worth Remembering About the Alamo (the Daily Oklahoman).