Holiday Card May Inspire a Shiver of Dread

Before we obliterate 2004 from our memories, I must report that Byron Weinstein of Encino spotted a holiday missive that wished many happy returns -- presumably, returns of unpaid-for cars (see accompanying).

Flashbacks (cont.): Among the many local TV boo-boos caught by the media website ronfineman.com last year was an untimely misspelling by Channel 13 (see photo). Parents -- don’t let your kids see this.

And, these just in: The Fineman website also captured some -- well, interesting -- quotes on local newscasts last year:

* “Here’s the frontal boundary that frontals all the wet weather,” Channel 9 weather gal Jackie Johnson told viewers one night.

* Channel 13 anchor Lauren Sanchez won Freudian slip honors when she said of a pro basketball fight: “Tonight’s NBA brawl was the sex-e (pause) second incident of mass fighting this week.”

* Channel 9 anchor David Jackson, forgetting he was no longer at Channel 7, announced, “We’re going to go up to Air 7 right now.” (Actually, Channel 9, rather than hijack Air 7, uses Sky 9.)

* In the “Huh?” category, Channel 5 sportscaster Damon Andrews declared, “The most watched film on the campus of Stanford University, not in theaters: the Cardinal football team diggin’ reruns on how to crush a Trojan. This film not rated ‘cause it hasn’t been made.”

* Ann Martin, while promoting the Channel 2 anchor team of herself and Harold Greene, seemed to reveal a surprise marriage when she referred to Laura Diaz as “Laura Greene” (Diaz and Greene are not co-anchoring a family).

* Finally, for your lame ad libs file, Channel 7 anchor Leslie Sykes followed up a story about a hunky Santa by commenting she’d like to “squeeze his pecs.” Don’t take me up to Air 7 or I’ll be ill.

Is nothing sacred? While dining at a Subway sandwich shop, I noticed a regretful announcement that the chain’s Subway Club Stamps program, which gave frequent diners discounts, was being discontinued because of stamp thefts and illegal sales of stamps on the Internet. Yes, it’s true:

Subway crime has come to L.A.

Dude, where’s my car? -- the sequel: Former state Atty. Gen. John Van de Kamp, who has been working in the L.A. office of the American Arbitration Assn., went to look for his car in the building’s fully occupied multilevel parking structure.

After 45 minutes of searching, he asked the attendants for help, and they quickly found it. The next day, Van de Kamp mentioned the incident to his fellow arbitrator, retired state Supreme Court Justice Armand Arabian, and asked, “How in the world could that happen to me?” To which Arabian replied, “John, at our age, it’s a condition called Mallzeimers.”

miscelLAny: That Orange County baseball team’s decision to call itself the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in order to appeal to a larger market prompted a bright idea by columnist Bob Keisser of the Long Beach Press-Telegram.

Keisser noted that Angel owner Arte Moreno is a guy who thinks big -- in terms of both the team name and in acquiring star players for lots of money.

The Dodgers’ financially strapped owner, Frank McCourt, on the other hand, thinks small, dumping as many high-priced stars as he can, regardless of their popularity.

The solution? Keisser suggested that Moreno and McCourt trade teams.