McCourt in Touch, or Out of It? You Make the Call

So the Boston Parking Lot Attendant says Thursday, “All the responses I’m getting from fans is that we’ve done very nicely, and now that there’s a clearer picture of what we’ve done, they are very happy.”

You’d have been proud of me. While it’s true I chuckled, I didn’t fall to the floor doubled over in laughter, yelling, “Please stop, you’re killing me.”

Instead I asked for Frank McCourt’s e-mail address -- so I might pass it on to those who feel a little differently and have never gotten the chance to tell him.

“The last time I looked at my e-mail I had something like 1,300, so I don’t really look at it,” McCourt said.

I was curious, so I said, where are you getting these responses from folks “happy” with the team’s decision to let Adrian Beltre go, and for that matter, almost everyone else?

At this point, a few TV cameramen began to take an interest in our chat, prompting McCourt to make it P.R. clear that he’s a really dynamic leader and in touch with the local community.

“I’ve gotten written letters and phone calls from fans,” he said. “And I return every phone call personally.”

Well then, I said, I’ll pass along the Dodgers’ phone number -- (323) 224-1500 -- just in case there’s someone out there who is unhappy with the Dodgers.

“No problem,” he said. “Tell them to ask for Frank.”

At this point I probably should have pointed out something to Frank that his wife, the Screaming Meanie, said last year: “This is bad because you guys remember everything and you write everything down.”

That’s (323) 224-1500. I know, I wrote it down. And ask for Frank. (For laughs, I’d even make it a collect call.)

Let me know how it goes, because as you know, he returns every call personally.

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THE DODGERS called a news conference to announce the signing of Eric Gagne two days after everyone else had announced it, but I still went because I think it’s kind of funny, in a reality-TV way, to watch folks blabber on and on about how smart they are when everyone in the room knows they are in over their heads.

I guess McCourt is kind of like my American Idol.

Now they didn’t have much more than cookies for the media in the back of the room, so I wasn’t surprised that Stu Nahan wasn’t in attendance.

But most of the local radio and TV stations were represented, and McCourt took the opportunity to tell everyone, “We have a team now with a ton of talent.”

You’d have been proud of me. I did not fall to the floor doubled over in laughter screaming, “Stop, you’re killing me,” because General Manager Paul DePodesta was in line to speak next and I wanted to save myself.

“On paper we’re a very good team. But the thing that makes a team win is attitude, and Eric Gagne is all about attitude. He wants to win 162 games a year,” McCourt said, and it’s a shame, I guess, that everyone else on the Dodgers wants to win only 80 or 90 games or they could really be good.

Gagne told the media that he’s proud to wear a Dodger uniform, and so the Parking Lot Attendant used that as his mantra in interview after interview: “You heard what Eric said about wearing a Dodger uniform.”

You and I would be proud to wear a Dodger uniform for the next two years if they guaranteed to pay us $19 million.

The nonsense continued with McCourt making the rounds and reminding everyone that until he came (penniless) to Los Angeles, the Dodgers hadn’t won a playoff game since 1988 and he was responsible for ending the drought.

McCourt talked about the Dodger family and the chemistry the Dodgers enjoyed last season, and when a reporter said, “Some people would say you blew up that chemistry,” the Dodger owner said, “I would respectfully disagree. We had something to do with creating [chemistry] a year ago and will do so again.”

He might not have any money, but he’s certainly not short on ego.

“It’s not like we were talking about a dynasty here,” McCourt said. “They hadn’t won in 16 years before we came here. Let’s just remember we won a playoff game last year.”

I think I know the answer, but when you get Frank on the line, it’d be nice if you could ask him who had more to do with winning the team’s first postseason game in 16 years: The Parking Lot Attendant or Jose Lima?

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I WATCH Laker rookie Sasha Vujacic play, and I see a guy who looks like he should be running up and down the court shooting threes for Loyola Marymount.

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I HEAR Laker fans going wild because their team beat Minnesota without Kobe Bryant, some suggesting the team is better off because of the freedom these guys now enjoy -- even prompting one fan on radio to suggest it’s time to trade Bryant.

Where were these nuts two days earlier after the Lakers’ loss to Utah, one of the worst teams in the NBA?

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I READ all the local papers and each has its Laker reporter telling us in detail daily about Bryant’s injured ankle. He’s on crutches, no, one crutch, he’s putting weight on his foot, he said “ow” once ... enough. Tell us when he’s back.

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THE CLIPPERS Foundation, along with three other charitable organizations, is selling 2,000 raffle tickets at $100 each with the chance of winning a Clipper-customized 230 Mercedes Benz.

The Clippers Foundation put up the car to raise $50,000 for each of the charities: the foundation, A Place Called Home, the L.A. Boys and Girls Club and the Muscular Dystrophy Assn. The drawing is Feb. 1, and information is available at (213) 742-7516.

I bought a $100 ticket, of course, and whispered to the wife that if I win, I’ll give her the car. It worked.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.