Night Out Could Put Mayor in New Light

The race for mayor of America’s second-largest city is about to take a sharp and dramatic turn, so this would be a good time to wake up and start paying attention.

Jim Hahn has been in public service for half his life -- one term as mayor of Los Angeles, four as city attorney and one as city controller. And yet we know next to nothing about Slim Jim, the only guy in all of L.A. who’s uncomfortable on camera.

But this could change tonight.

When the lights come on, and the night becomes electric, S. Lo and Slim Jim will do the town.

I know what you’re thinking.

Half of you are saying to yourselves, why in the world would Hahn hang out with Lopez?

The other half of you are wondering, why in the world would Lopez hang out with Hahn?

Well, several months ago, I was talking to Hahn’s sister, Janice, and she wondered why I was so tough on her brother all the time.

It isn’t hard to do, I told her. Don’t get me wrong, Hahn seems pleasant enough. But this isn’t Des Moines, and I want someone dynamic, someone who raises the bar on something other than fundraising. You get the feeling that if you asked Jim Hahn who his political hero is, he’s perfectly capable of saying Gray Davis.

Janice, the effervescent L.A. councilwoman, argued that if I really and truly got to know her misunderstood big brother, I’d feel differently about him. We had the same chat again recently, and Janice bragged that Jim, unbeknownst to me and everyone else, is Mr. L.A. He knows every hole-in-the-wall restaurant in the city, and he can get to them using shortcuts no one else knows about.

Would I vote for someone based on his knowledge of good cheap food and shortcuts?

Absolutely.

Look, I don’t know how many more Hahn acquaintances might get subpoenaed or indicted in one of the ongoing probes into alleged corruption. But assuming no one else gets jammed up before the election, the mayor’s race could be decided on personality, as elections often are, so it might be worthwhile to find out whether Hahn has one.

Especially since neither Hahn nor his challengers have offered up any ideas that take my breath away.

On Tuesday, for example, I was on the steps of City Hall while challenger Bob Hertzberg backhanded Hahn for not hiring more cops. Hahn, by the way, was in Sacramento collecting money from politicians after calling Sacramento politicians a bunch of sleazeballs.

While Hertzberg promised to hire more cops without new taxes, I chatted with three cops who were listening. Their response was, “Yeah, sure.”

“The politicians all say the same thing,” one cop cracked, and nothing ever changes. “They could just put a tape recorder up there” and play the same promises over and over, the cops agreed.

On the other hand, if Hertzberg knows where a guy could get a good cheap roast beef sandwich in the San Fernando Valley, he might win a few cop votes.

I may find out soon, because Hertzberg is next on my list of wild and crazy guys to step out with, followed by Antonio Villaraigosa. I’d go out with Villaraigosa first, except that the last time the two of us tipped a bottle together, it took me a week to recover.

No disrespect to Bernard Parks and Richard Alarcon, but it doesn’t take a genius to see we’re headed for a runoff between Hahn and either Hertzberg or Villaraigosa.

If it’s Hertzberg, will his buddy Arnold “Big Boy” Schwarzenegger step into the ring and body-slam Slim Jim to the mat?

If it’s Villaraigosa, can he relocate the charm, or has Antonio lost his mojo?

Getting back to the Big Night, I told Janice Hahn and her brother’s campaign guru Kam Kuwata I was ready to get to know my mayor.

I was thinking we’d start with a beer or two, grab a bite at one of his hideaways in San Pedro or somewhere, and who knows? Like I said, we really don’t know about this mayor’s secret life, so it’s possible S. Lo and Slim Jim could go club-hopping until the sun comes up.

But then I got a call from Kuwata telling me to meet the mayor at Lucy’s El Adobe on Melrose.

Lucy’s?

Hey, I love Lucy, to borrow a line. But her place is a well-known political hangout, not an undiscovered hole in the wall. The mayor’s going to have to do better than that.

And then Kuwata wanted to know if I minded having him and strategist Bill Carrick join us?

Yes, I mind. And if the mayor is half a man, he should, too.

This is S. Lo and Slim Jim on the town. We might need a designated driver, but not a team of chaperons.

Can you get on top of this, Jim?

At press time, I got good news and bad news from the Hahn camp.

Hahn took charge, telling Kuwata and Carrick they can’t come out with us.

But Hahn was coming down with a bug.

Buck up, Jim.

If I end up at the Olive Garden in Chatsworth with Hertzberg tonight, not even your little sister will be able to save you.