Call Waiting Can Be Nice, but This Is Just Ridiculous

It has been 29 days and 9 hours since Mrs. Boston Parking Lot Attendant said, “just a minute ... let me talk to the nice people first,” and then had an assistant ask for my phone number so she could call later.

No way there’s that many nice people in the world.

I took for granted that Jamie McCourt’s phone had been turned off, knowing she’s married to the poor guy who owns the Dodgers, but then the oddest thing happened.

I get paid to be on a radio show, something they call the “Morning Extravaganza” on 570, the worst show on the dial, which is great news for Lee Hamilton -- because there’s one person who doesn’t think he has the worst show.

As I was finishing my radio stint, and I would imagine purgatory will be an upgrade, disc jockey Van Earl Wright said his next guest would be Jamie McCourt. They must be paying her too.

Then I did something I never thought I’d do in my life -- I listened to the “Morning Extravaganza” ... to see what she had to say.

She returned their call, or asked to be on the worst show known to mankind. That would suggest her phone was working. You can imagine my surprise when I learned that the McCourts were able to pay their bills.

She told Wright, “we just had a wonderful meeting with the president of the United States,” and I wasn’t surprised. If I was president and had the power to talk to anyone, I’d want to learn how to buy a baseball team with no money.

Wright’s sidekick butted in, and although that’s usually a conversation stopper, he asked McCourt whether the president talked about steroids, and she said, “He did say he’d be throwing out the ball when we win the World Series.”

It was a big deal who got the ball after Boston won the Series, but apparently the president has decided to just throw it away if the Dodgers win. Myself, I’d have it tested, because there’s no way the Dodgers win unless something’s juiced.

The lovey-dovey interview continued, and Wright said the McCourts were in Washington because the president was presenting a Congressional Gold Medal to the widow of Jackie Robinson.

I have no idea what the McCourts have to do with Robinson or a medal for anything, but then I learned the president was also honoring the Red Sox, and it made sense why Mr. and Mrs. Boston Parking Lot Attendant wanted to be there.

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FOR THE seventh time in his career (as coach and broadcaster), Steve Lavin has put UCLA into the NCAA tournament. “I’ve got them clearly in -- as an eighth or ninth seed with the chance of becoming maybe a sixth seed if they win out, including the Pac-10 tournament,” the ESPN analyst said before Thursday night’s game.

Lavin, who has three more Sweet 16 and one more Elite Eight appearances in his career than Coach Ben Howland, said the Bruins are playing well at the right time, “and doesn’t that sound familiar,” he said with a laugh.

“But unlike some in the media, I’ve been on the UCLA bandwagon all season,” he said, and I hate it when he picks on Plaschke. “They’ve already beaten Washington, and historically in the conference tourney, they’ve always done well against Arizona.”

Like I’ve always said, the guy knows his basketball: The Bruins historically are 1-0 against Arizona in the Pac-10 tournament with Lavin’s Bruins in 2003 knocking off the No. 1 team in the nation.

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JOCKEY GARY STEVENS, who rode Seabiscuit, which makes him pretty old, will be aboard Rock Hard Ten in Saturday’s $1-million Santa Anita Handicap.

Stevens offered this hot tip: “It’s our race to lose.” If you saw the movie, you know he has experience when it comes to guaranteeing happy endings.

Stevens, 42 on Sunday, excelled as an actor, but he has returned to racing full time, which is a boon for a sport in need of good news. He’ll be on another fan favorite, Rock Hard Ten, who placed second in the Preakness behind Smarty Jones.

“It’s embarrassing to say you’re coming out of retirement, so I won’t be announcing my retirement again any time soon,” said Stevens, who also plans on riding in this year’s Kentucky Derby.

“No shame in finishing second to my Derby horse, Declan’s Moon,” I said.

“That’s all I needed to hear,” he snapped, and although he’s really old, it’s nice to hear that he’s still a dreamer.

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TWO WEEKS ago -- two days after promising to do everything right in boxing, unlike promoter Bob Arum -- Oscar De La Hoya stiffed the father/daughter gabfest after promising to appear.

He never did call to apologize.

Arum has agreed to appear Sunday and trash De La Hoya. I have no doubt he’ll be on time, and will get plenty of it.

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THE TRIBUNE Co., owners of The Times, announced the $16.15 million it swallowed to get rid of Sammy Sosa would reduce first-quarter earnings; Trib stock then fell 96 cents. Several funny lines come to mind, but knowing how little it’d take to get rid of Page 2, I’d still like to be here to cash in should Trib stock rise again.

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JERRY WEST, Mike Ditka, Carl Lewis, Bill Walton, Al Davis, Larry King and Eric Dickerson appeared at the Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony for broadcaster Jim Gray. One observer noted: “Normally the person who is being honored is the biggest star here.”

There was no sign of Pete Rose, although he had plenty of time to still make the first post at Santa Anita.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Donn Carper:

“If Salma Hayek agrees to go with you to the Academy Awards next year, I’ll drive. But then we’ll both be looking for a new place to live.”

I think I know who’ll be driving us to our new apartments.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.