Is soul mate lost in cyberspace?
I enjoyed Shari Oshry’s letter [Letters, March 24]. It is very difficult for us single women to meet single guys in Los Angeles. A year ago I signed up with one of those agencies who do a background check. They made it sound like nothing else I’ve tried worked, and they could do better (for more money).
I have tried for a year through their website to meet guys and finally talked to a jerk who seemed to think all the women are gold diggers. Now I feel like I wasted my money and my time with this great rip-off. I am waiting for the magical answer too!
Why do Shari Oshry and friends find online men to be losers? Well, we aren’t women (think Venus & Mars), and men often aren’t the 20 adjectives women online state they want; if we are, we still don’t know it or how to say it. If women aren’t looking for a fantasy, it doesn’t sound like it in the ads -- many have way too many dreamy adjectives for us to ever fulfill. What do we find?
Many ads have no pictures or very poor quality ones. “Curvy” means overweight. Most women do have a bit of “baggage” or more that even shows in the ads. Too many women are looking for a soul mate, rather than a good date that might go somewhere.
The Girlie-Men whose ads sound very sensitive/romantic are often just trying to guess what a gal wants to hear. Neither sex is very good at marketing to the other.
Most daters are clue-deprived, and we all seem dishonest or misleading because we attach such different meanings to the same words. Don’t specify “no players, drunks or liars” -- none of life’s misfits really know how big their problems are!
Talk with your friends (especially of the opposite sex) about “marketing” yourself and improving your radar. It’s got to work, and it beats potluck. There are plenty of winners of both sexes. I’ve met lovely women on my favorite online service. Don’t give up.
It's a date
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