Golfers Are Going Full-Bore to Get on His Enemies List

I love Riviera. The course is magnificent, and on any given day you can run into CBS’ Jim Hill hitting golf balls on the range while still dressed in one of his Beverly Hills suits, or former USC broadcaster Tom Kelly sitting in the bar talking about his affection for Mike Garrett.

On occasion, I’ve been lucky enough to feel rich, getting the chance to play the storied course, the last time putting for a birdie on No. 18. I noticed Tiger Woods bogeyed the hole Thursday -- and Woods didn’t have PR guy Steve Brener talking in the middle of his backswing.

They’re selling these cool caps, “The Riv,” in the gift shop, and really the only disappointing thing about Riviera is that the place is so well-liked, and as a result it attracts a bunch of pro golfers every February -- for the most part a convention of drips.

It’s all for charity, so I understand, but they charge fans $25 a day to come here for the Nissan Open, shut up and walk around guessing who just hit the ball.

It’s like watching the Dodgers, no names on the back of the jerseys, and if there’s one sport that could use a little additional name recognition beyond Woods, this is it.

Right now, it’s Tiger taking on the Washington Generals each week, the only drama coming on those rare occasions when Phil Mickelson gets the opportunity to choke down the stretch.

“I don’t watch golf,” said Michael Rosenberg, the tournament chairman last year.

“Please, don’t write that down,” he said, and no problem -- I’ve got a good memory.

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THE ONLY thing that makes this tournament interesting, of course, is Tiger. He feels terrible, he said, has a fever, and if he calls in sick, take down the gallery ropes.

Woods sneezed three times during his media briefing after posting a two-under 69, and led by Hill, the media had a sincere “bless you” for him each time, because without him, it’s more of Billy Mayfair.

“I was really happy with my round,” Mayfair said, according to the Nissan Open interview sheet that was given to each member of the media. “I hit the ball solid.

“I hit a lot of fairways.

“I putted real well.

“The golf course is in great shape.

“The wind blew as it normally does,” Mayfair said, and I actually found myself looking forward to my next interview with Phil Jackson.

That’s when I bumped into Brad Faxon. He’s a golfer, I’m told.

A couple of reporters were talking to Faxon, which would be like talking to Von Wafer after a Laker game, but since he was there, I asked him a question.

I wanted to know what he thought about making the sport more fun for the fans, maybe something that would allow folks to root for and against the competitors, and Faxon said, “No.”

I was curious whether that was the extent of his vocabulary, so I asked for a further explanation, and he offered a few more syllables, “Tradition.”

I said the sport needs a boost of energy, and he became perturbed. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, apparently a little uncomfortable deviating from the standard “I feel fine” and “the course is in great condition” responses offered by golfers.

I could’ve asked about his 70th-place finish in Hawaii a couple of weeks back, but then maybe the idea of booing guys who aren’t doing very well touched a nerve.

“I don’t think that’s a part of the game,” Faxon said with an attitude. “You want people yelling, ‘He’s a jerk?’ That’s what you want?”

I’m familiar with that expression, but told him I didn’t think that was necessarily what I was talking about, and he seemed to get more upset.

“If you think that’s what should be going on in golf, then you don’t know golf,” Faxon said, and I thought about telling him about my shot on No. 18 with Brener talking in the middle of my backswing, but no reason we should both be upset with Brener.

“Go watch a baseball game,” Faxon concluded, while walking away.

Had he said, “Go watch a Dodger game,” I might’ve accused him of swearing at me, but that’s when Faxon’s caddy joined the fray. He couldn’t understand why I was asking for a more exciting environment at a golf tournament.

“That just shows your knowledge of golf, big man,” he said, and he was a little shorter than I am.

Faxon returned for Round 2, incredulous at the suggestion that fans be encouraged to cheer against a golfer, and so I reminded him that every time Woods plays against Mickelson, half the crowd is for Tiger and ...

“I’m rooting against Mickelson,” I said, “and from what I read about most pro golfers, apparently so are you.”

That was too much for Faxon to absorb, and he made it clear he wanted me to leave, and I had just gotten there, and from what I could tell all I had done wrong was disagree with his opinion.

“Why is it that all you golfers are such sourpusses?” I asked, and later, when I relayed this story to KCAL’s Alan Massengale, he wasn’t surprised.

“I covered golf for ESPN in the mid-’80s, and it’s so different now,” Massengale said. “Now it’s like talking to a machine; there’s no personalities. The one thing they’ve forgotten -- this is entertainment.”

I tried to get that point across to Faxon, between the belligerent interruptions from his caddy, before Faxon said, “Then go ahead, why don’t you start rooting against someone?”

“I’ve already started my list,” I told him, “and I think I know who’s at the top of it.”

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