Motherly advice

THANKS for that terrific article about the toll-taking anxiety of older parents [“It Takes a Guru, a Pricey Pram and a Village,” June 18]. Ten years ago I had my first child and was doing everything by the book (or, rather, books). I had embraced the Resources for Infant Educarers [RIE] philosophy and was talking to my 3-month-old about everything: “Now, I’m going to take off your dirty diaper.... Now I’m going to get a new diaper.... Oh, you’re crying. I see that you’re sad about that.”

One day, when my daughter was 10 months and I was struggling to get her jacket on while I did my familiar monologue, my mom stopped me and said, “You talk too much to that baby!” She took my daughter and slipped the jacket on and -- wow, it didn’t even upset my child to be handled “roughly.”

At that moment it dawned on me that all the book knowledge had taken the spontaneity and natural mothering impulses away from me. So I packed all the books into a box. Today my daughter is a happy, creative, respectful 10-year-old. And now with my second child? Well, the books are still in the attic.

DEIRDRE HIGGINS

Los Angeles

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I proudly proclaim myself an “attachment parent” who has birthed her babes at home, slept with them and breastfed on demand. Unfortunately, Gina Piccalo has inaccurately portrayed all attachment parents as “designer parents,” which is far from the truth. Many of us, as we searched for a comfortable parenting style, inadvertently gave in to every one of our child’s whims in hopes of raising attached and confident children. This is not attachment parenting but permissive parenting. Attachment parenting is neither exhausting nor expensive. Of course, responding to your children in a loving and sensitive manner is more “exhausting” than ignoring them, using television to distract them or simply “being too busy.”

KARI NIEDERMAIER

Lawndale

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I facilitate a class called Momtalk, a postpartum support group for new mothers.

My mothers live in fear of everything from West Nile virus to the appropriate sunscreen. They have a monitor that sounds an alarm if it detects the baby isn’t breathing. Baby monitors are not an option, they’re a necessity! Even though I tell them their baby is a monitor, when it cries loud enough you’ll hear them. I have tried to educate my moms that their entire consumer group is based on fear tactics in advertising. (Hey, it sold a lot of Volvos.) They are manipulated like putty. If only our society could put an end to the myth of the “perfect mother.” She simply doesn’t exist and never will.

CHRIS MORLEY

Valencia

Morley is the president of Tender Care.