Gig leaves him between a Rock and a hard place

IN ADDITION to acting, I was asked to sing, “Burning Love,” you know, “just a hunk, a hunk of burning love,” along with The Rock in my new movie, “The Game Plan,” which will arrive at a theater near you some time next year.

As you can see, it’s important to be flexible in the filmmaking business, although I must admit I was in no mood when I arrived in Boston to deal with the paparazzi.

Disney had thought of everything, though, sending an old van rather than a limo to make sure the sports writers hired to appear in the movie went unnoticed. The other writers and broadcaster Jim Gray were already inside the van with Gray, as you might expect, sitting by himself.

Gray was also holding a script, because you’ve seen him work, and it’s hard to imagine anyone asking all those annoying questions unless they’ve been told to just follow the script.

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WE WERE headed to Gillette Stadium outside Boston, which was going to be an hour ride, and knowing Gray had won 11 Emmys, because he had told us so, it was going to be a very long ride.

Gray gave one of his Emmys to his parents, while imitating Howard Cosell, one to his high school, as Cosell again, and another to his college. I presume he has a sign in his home that reads: “I really won 11 Emmys, but there are only eight here because I’m so generous. I’m just telling it like it is.”

Once at the set we were told Gray had his own trailer because “he is more important than you guys.” No one was offended, because by Disney standards, Dumbo and Tinker Bell are also more important.

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THE PATRIOTS play in Gillette, but on this day it was being used for a movie about an aging quarterback, a cute kid, a sportswriter who steals the show in his movie debut, and a monster, which explains why Gray was here.

Gray was taken to makeup, and it’s amazing what they can do for people who would like to appear with a little more hair on film, while the rest of us took our seats in the director chairs -- each decorated with our names. I would’ve thought the lettering would have been a little bigger, but I didn’t say anything for fear of being labeled temperamental like Gray.

I tried making some small talk with The Rock so he’d understand what I was saying, made some crack about Gray and later word came back that the former pro wrestler didn’t know if Gray and I really hated each other or were just goofing around.

For the next five or six hours we were given a feel for the real excitement of movie making as we just sat around doing nothing. We watched The Rock repeat the same scene with the cute little kid, who said something about drinking a “Michelob,” and then a “margarita,” a “pina colada,” and then a “daiquiri.”

At some point the kid must have been too sauced to continue, and while that ought to make for a real breakout movie for Disney, it was time to hit our marks.

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MARK CIARDI and Gordon Gray, who have already produced, “The Rookie,” “Miracle” and “Invincible,” are known on the set as “Pretty Boy 1” and “Pretty Boy 2” because they could pass for models. And I know what a burden that can be.

Ciardi had an incredible career with the Milwaukee Brewers, pitching four games and ending his career with a 9.37 earned-run average. Just imagine trying to make magic working with someone twice as bad as Mark Hendrickson.

Gray is a diehard USC football fan, who isn’t pleasant to be around when the Trojans lose, which means they better wrap this film up before the Cal game.

They thought it’d be good to have some real sports writers stand behind me for my scene, but it didn’t make sense hiding their pot bellies so they were allowed to stand right with me.

One of the real sports writers, the Boston Globe’s Ron Borges, and I had never heard of him either, brought along his 17-year-old daughter, Lora, and remember that name, because we’re talking the next great actress of our time. I took her for a kid ditching school, but she had them believing she was a writer and made it into the movie. Next week she’ll probably be on “Around the Horn.”

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WHEN THE cameras started rolling, it was my job to break from the pack of fat writers and throw a nasty question at The Rock, who was trying to brush past me. I hate being typecast, but it was like being in the Dodgers’ clubhouse and quizzing Kenny Lofton.

“Hey old man, you got what it takes to finally win the big game?”

Director Andy Fickman, obviously overcome by the cinematic moment, immediately stopped the scene.

“I don’t know if you made this choice consciously,” Fickman said. “But there was a lot of Ernest Borgnine in there. Beautiful, man.”

Once The Rock brushes past me, he stops for Gray, the movie breaking down at that point as Gray gives him the Pete Rose treatment. The Rock mutters something mushy about his kid, who is drunk somewhere, Fickman yells, “cut,” and then has the group come together to sing “Burning Love” in one last desperate effort to save the movie.

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AS A rule, Maury Wills tries to avoid me, and surprisingly the guy is still pretty fast. But to show you how much the Red Balloon Celebrity-Am Golf Tournament at Rolling Hills Country Club means to him and what it does for students with special needs, Wills called asking to join him Monday, while also inviting anyone else interested to call 310 328-3611.

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THERE ARE plans to make decorated caskets available for fans of baseball teams like the Dodgers. Just think of it as a welcome respite one day from no longer having to listen to Steve Lyons and Charley Steiner.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.