No happy ending for Bruins fable

“The Gutty Little Bruins and Their Gutless Coaches”: It’s a bedtime story guaranteed to bring on nightmares to all little and big Bruins fans.

Once upon a time there was a team from Westwood that had the chance to become a really big-time, respected program with an unexpected victory on the road against a legendary, top-10 football power. The players played their gutty little hearts out and were ahead with less than two minutes to go, when, lo and behold, their gutless coaches, Karl, Jim and DeWayne, blew it for them by becoming way too conservative, both on offense and especially on defense.

The moral of the story, boys and girls? The prevent defense does only one thing. It prevents you from winning.

JAY SCHUSTER

Sherman Oaks

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Coming this Christmas, from Also-Ran Records, the debut album from Karl Dorrell, “It’s Hard to Win a Title When I’m Playing Not to Lose.”

Besides the title track, this album features such sleeper hits as “Show Some Signs of Life,” “The Zebra Stole My Mo (and I Just Stood There),” “Offensively Predictable,” “Roll Over, Svoboda,” “The Streak Goes On,” and the stunning duet with Dan Guerrero, a haunting cover of the Turtles’ “Happy Together.” In stores Dec. 3.

BLAISE JACKSON

Escondido

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I don’t know why Karl Dorrell celebrated Halloween more than a week early in South Bend, but that Marty Schottenheimer costume he wore late in the fourth quarter was sure dead on.

LARRY YELLS

Hermosa Beach

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When my 7-year-old son turned to me on UCLA’s last offensive series and said, “Dad, they’re gonna run three running plays,” I smiled knowingly, but hoping whoever called the plays would pass just once. When a 7-year-old can call UCLA’s offensive plays, it doesn’t take a defensive genius at Notre Dame to see the same thing.

DANIEL ALEF

Santa Barbara

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Now it’s evident why Dan Guerrero so wisely granted Karl Dorrell a contract extension earlier this year: He has the most innovative coach around. I can’t think of any other coach that could have possibly found a way to lose that game in South Bend.

MARK BACKSTROM

Redondo Beach

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Every weekend duffer knows that more times than not, playing it safe instead of going for it backfires and results in a bogey or worse. UCLA’s last offensive series amounted to pulling out a mid-iron, laying up and hoping to make par.

It would be nice if UCLA acted a bit more like Roy McAvoy and went for the green. To quote McAvoy in “Tin Cup,” “When a defining moment comes along, you define the moment or the moment defines you.” The final moment was defined by Notre Dame. UCLA bogeyed this one for sure.

RANDALL PETERS

La Crescenta

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The Bruins played a game good enough to beat anybody last Saturday. However, they fell to a strategy that has been around since the days of Knute Rockne: “Notre Dame Heroics.” This almost never fails -- no kind of preparation works against it!

PAUL GIAMPAOLO

Carlsbad

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I suggest everyone involved in the whole UCLA football program switch to playing intramural horseshoes. At least we could be cashing in victories from being ever so close, instead of choking down yet another heart-wrenching loss.

MARK J. FEATHERSTONE

Windsor Hills

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Karl Dorrell is a guy you hire to improve your sales. He’s the guy you’re happy to see your daughter date. But Karl Dorrell knows nothing about winning. He is no coach, only a middle manager in over his head.

MICHAEL S. MURASHIGE

Los Angeles

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Dear Coach Dorrell,

I have seats in Section 15, Row 35, Seat 22. I’d really like to see a game from the field level. Can we trade places? I am sure you could listen to your headset from my seat just as well as on the field. I’d very much like to see the game from your position.

Please give it some thought.

MATTHEW D. KERSTER

Gardena

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J. A. Adande’s column of Oct. 24 is basically a condemnation of the UCLA community for not feeling depressed over their loss to Notre Dame, while comparing that loss to USC’s victory of the preceding year.

Mr. Adande completely ignores the reason for this relative lack of interest, which is that the UCLA community has many more things to be proud of than just its football team.

GREY R. BROOKS

Prescott, Ariz.