Clothes So Hot They Landed Him in the Cooler

Considering the name of the business, I guess this crime was inevitable. The Laguna News-Post reported that “a man was arrested after trying to steal clothing from the Envy store.”

Somewhere Garfield is laughing: In other crime news, the News-Post said that a resident called police about another resident who “frequently left her cat out in the heat; the caller was concerned about the cat’s welfare.”

What it’s all about: It’s always interesting -- if not alarming -- to examine the contents of products on the market (see accompanying). You can find:

* Meat that has seen better days, or better translations (submitted by Rudy Galindo of Santa Fe Springs).

* A cushion made of unknown materials, submitted by Bob Campbell of Van Nuys. (He points out that the manufacturer dutifully complied with the law by disclosing that it had no idea what the materials were.)

* Some chocolate with unidentified natural ingredients, hopefully not the same ones as in the cushion above (from Phil Proctor of Beverly Hills).

* A cashmere coat that gives more than 110% (from Kerry Spittler of Ontario).

* And, finally, from the Only in L.A. meat locker of old items, a helping of green something.

In case you didn’t know the real estate boom was over: Realtor Mark Tacconelli, trying to sell a house listed at $749,000 in La Habra, has persuaded the owners to offer to throw in a new car or truck. Well, the 2,300-square-foot home is a fixer-upper. With a truck, the buyers could “go back and forth to Home Depot,” Tacconelli told the Pasadena Star-News.

All the nude that’s fit to print: The Claremont Courier’s Will Bigham reported that a drug-addled man in the buff was arrested on foot in that fair city. “While we were detaining him, he was speaking in a tongue we couldn’t identify -- between French, English and a language we couldn’t identify,” a police officer said. The suspect was also eating grass -- the green stuff, not the type you smoke. (I should say, the type that is smoked; I’m not accusing YOU of smoking it.)

For your This-Strange-World file: Donald Kessler of Whittier read in the crime log of the Coast News of San Diego County that “a report was filed on a Carlsbad man who suffered a heart attack on Aug. 21 at Calavera Park. The man is being held financially responsible for the damage his heavy beard caused to the paint job of the parked car his face hit as he fell.”

Time for a new nickname: The Coast News also said that “an Oceanside woman going by the nickname of ‘Swift’ was caught shoplifting a lip ring.”

miscelLAny: This truly is the age of specialists. Jackie Heite of Torrance read in a local newspaper about a basketball player who suffered a nose injury and was sent to an ear, nose and “threat” specialist.