Dodgers play new tunes: Oldies but not so goodies

The Angels are 21 games above .500, the Dodgers are three -- one local team rewarding its faithful with a 43-20 record in Angel Stadium and playoff prospects, while the other has been a big flop.

It isn’t even Sept. 1 and Arizona’s magic number to eliminate the Choking Dogs from title contention is 28.

A Milton Bradley home run helped reduce the Padres’ magic number to 30 to eliminate the Dogs from wild-card consideration.

The Dodgers were 24 games above .500 with Paul DePodesta and Jim Tracy during the Parking Lot Attendant’s first year of on-the-job training in L.A., but now that Frank McCourt really knows what he’s doing, the Dodgers are 225-228 the last three years.

I wonder whether DePodesta and Dan Evans would agree to a consulting fee. Bill Stoneman isn’t doing anything while working for the Angels -- so he should have plenty of spare time to help.

Right now in this town it would be hard for any GM to draw more criticism than Mitch Kupchak, but you’ve got to admire Ned Colletti’s persistence in trying.

In the last month, Colletti has traded for Scott Proctor, who likes to give up two runs every inning he pitches; Shea Hillenbrand, who has repeatedly proven he can’t hit; Mark Sweeney, who can’t remember how many outs there are, and David Wells, who makes Mark Hendrickson look like an upgrade.

This on top of Schmidt and Wolf.

The Kobester called Jerry Buss an “idiot.” I just hope no one asks him what he thinks of Colletti.

The Dodgers will start the 44-year-old Wells today, the emphasis always on youth here, so the team will probably call on the 37-year-old Sweeney to pinch-hit for Wells in the fifth inning, if the old man can last that long. By the way, a happy 40th birthday to Luis Gonzalez next week.

Wells hasn’t pitched since Aug. 6, giving up 26 earned runs in his last 16 2/3 innings, two of his last four miserable outings coming in San Diego’s pitcher-friendly ballpark.

“It’s obviously a boost for the morale in here,” Gonzalez said in The Times on Saturday morning, which speaks to just how low the Dodgers have sunk since committing themselves to the youth movement. If only Sandy Koufax had agreed to return.

I think it’s safe to say Wells won’t look good in a Dodgers uniform. Put Wells and Broxton on the mound, and it makes you wonder whether Colletti is operating under the theory that every team needs to start with a good offensive line.

If the Dodgers’ farm system and young players are so highly regarded, where are all the pitching prospects?

If the Dodgers are going to be so much better next season, as we’ve been hyped to believe, with another year of experience behind Loney, Kemp, Ethier, Martin and LaRoche, it’s going to be up to Colletti and the off-season moves he makes to fill out the starting rotation, and I’m not sure I have ever written a scarier sentence.

The Dodgers are a shambles -- when they have to start a 44-year-old wreck with every game at this time of the season meaning so much. And did I mention that Wells follows Eric Stiff, sorry, Stults, in the rotation?

The Angels, meanwhile, continue to prosper. They won a World Series in 2002, and for Dodgers fans who might not be familiar with such a thing, that’s a battle waged every year between the best team in the American League and the best in the National League.

Now there is talk the Angels will pursue Alex Rodriguez in the off-season, the Dodgers maybe also taking an interest, or so we’ll be led to believe.

But I’m not buying it. Right now, close to 10 million fans have bought tickets to watch the Dodgers play three games below .500 over the last three years -- seemingly satisfied with whomever wears a Dodgers uniform.

So what incentive does the Parking Lot Attendant have to spend $30 million on the best player in baseball, especially when he can start a youngster like LaRoche at third base at the major league minimum salary? Remember, it’s all about the kids.

McCourt knows, based on experience, 3 million more Dodgers fans will buy tickets to watch whatever he puts on the field.

So as much as it is Colletti’s fault, Dodgers fans can also be blamed for being satisfied with what they get -- this year a team of Dogs fighting with Colorado to stay out of fourth place.

--

DODGERS FLOP update: Arizona just reduced its magic number to 27.

--

THE OTHER night, David Beckham played an entire soccer game in this city, an amazing feat. But afterward his handlers -- apparently the guy can’t think for himself -- decided not to let him talk to the media.

It was the perfect opportunity for Beckham to explain his interest in the MLS, flying back from England to help his team. There is going to come a point, given the standings and the Galaxy’s dreadful record, when no one is going to care what Beckham has to say.

If the Anschutz Empire expected Beckham to sell the sport of soccer in this country, it’s not getting its money’s worth.

So far the guy has been a big disappointment, sitting out as often as he has played, while being kept under wraps by his handlers, as some predicted might happen because of his inability to talk regularly without embarrassing himself.

The thing is, we’re used to airheads over here, and interview them all the time. In fact, I’m going to miss Smush Parker.

--

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from J. Peter Rich:

“Rex Hudler was unintentionally hilarious on the Angels’ TV broadcast. Discussing Chone Figgins’ bone bruise, he referred to the medical diagnostic test on Figgins as a ‘Magnetic Renaissance Imaging,’ instead of Magnetic Resonance Imaging. Equipment provided by Da Vinci, perhaps? That was after twice referring to a CAT scan as ‘antonomical’ instead of anatomical.”

I thought it was understood that listening to Hudler could be hazardous to good health.

--

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.