Inmates go on the no contact list

Will Michael Vick have a chance to play football in prison, maybe a reality-show version of “The Longest Yard”?

Not likely. Although it is federal Bureau of Prisons policy to encourage organized sports for inmates, prison officials tend to avoid contact sports such as football that can quickly get out of hand.

In 2004, for example, a flag football game at a Florida maximum-security prison for women erupted into a riot, and three inmates attempted to hang themselves with the flags.

Officials speculated that the three women, who had recently been moved back to the prison from a mental hospital, acted out so they could return to that facility, which some inmates prefer to the prison setting.

But, hey, if the guys are in the prison yard selecting teams for a game of volleyball, Vick still figures to be a high draft pick . . . unless maybe the team captains are dog lovers.

Poor rich Pat

Miami Coach Pat Riley isn’t coping all that well with the Heat’s troubles. After a recent home loss to the Pacers, he sounded despondent.

“There’s a lot of pain,” Riley told reporters. “It’s very painful. Sometimes you wonder. I’m not trying to get on a philosophical bent here, but when you’re given everything that you’ve ever wanted in your profession, you wonder why that you feel such pain.”

Coaching in the NBA can come with gobs of grief, to be sure, but it also pays for all those Armani suits and the tons of hair gel.

Trivia time

How many NBA games did Riley coach before earning his 1,000th victory?

A pit bull market

Hundreds of people -- the great majority of them apparently lookie-loos -- toured the 15-acre Surry, Va., estate that served as Vick’s dogfighting headquarters during open houses this month. But only two bidders emerged during the auction to sell the 4,600-square-foot house.

Real estate developer Wilbur Ray Todd Jr. rejected a final bid of $747,000.

The house has two master suites and a media room with wet bar.

Other amenities include jetted tubs, new hardwood floors, an expansive kitchen with granite countertops and stainless-steel appliances, a two-car garage, a basketball court . . . and four outbuildings with dozens of cages, filled now only with thousands of starving fleas.

Trivia answer

Riley coached 1,434 games.

These guys are hot

Get Sen. George Mitchell on this right away.

Four players in the NHL are using performance-enhancing . . . skate blades.

The four teams they play for asked that their names be kept secret so the battery-heated blades on their skates don’t become a distraction, according to an NHL official.

Thermablades, made by a company in Verdun, Canada, use a rechargeable battery and microprocessor to maintain a blade temperature of 5 degrees Celsius. That is enough to increase the thickness of the water layer between the blade and the ice, thereby reducing friction.

The NHL and the NHL Players’ Assn. are assessing the experiment and will meet at an undetermined time to decide whether to conduct further tests.

And who has been helping these NHL players enhance their performance?

Why the teams’ equipment managers, of course . . . the hockey equivalent of baseball’s clubhouse attendants.

(Presumably, no Kings’ player was involved in the test. After all, a certain level of performance is required before it can be enhanced).

And finally

Dennis Miller, on his TV show “Sports Unfiltered”:

“Barry Bonds’ former mistress will testify against him at his upcoming perjury and obstruction of justice trial. Defense lawyers plan to portray the woman as an angry, bitter, vindictive liar.

“You know, Barry’s soul mate.”

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john.weyler@latimes.com