Ice dancers won’t like this at all

The NFL abhors a news vacuum, even one that nature intended, such as February.

The Super Bowl has been played. So, according to scattered reports, has the Pro Bowl, although that is yet to be officially confirmed.

Enough ought to be enough, but no. Refusing to relinquish the spotlight to pitchers and catchers reporting, NBA All-Stars not reporting, dog shows and stock cars, the NFL always finds a way to stay in the headlines. Thus, the San Diego Chargers’ better-late-than-never goodbye to Marty Schottenheimer.

Now the airwaves and sports sections are filled again with pro football talk, which should hold us all until the next Cincinnati Bengals arrest.

Martyball: the gift that keeps on giving, even after Marty is gone.

Trivia time

Where does Schottenheimer’s winning percentage rank among Chargers coaches?

He’s irreplaceable

Gearing up for the Schottenheimer replacement search, Briefing rounds up the usual suspects:

Pete Carroll -- Why: USC games are televised in San Diego. Why not: So were New England Patriots games in 1999 and New York Jets games in 1994.

Dennis Green -- Why: He’s available. Why not: He’s available.

Bill Cowher -- Why: Just quit as Pittsburgh Steelers coach because he wants to watch daughters Meagan and Lauren play basketball. Why not: Meagan and Lauren play basketball at Princeton.

Norv Turner -- Why: After nine seasons as an NFL head coach, has a better playoff winning percentage than Schottenheimer. Why not: That record is 1-1.

Bill Parcells -- Why: “No T.O! No T.O! No T.O!” Why not: Jerry Jones says, “I’m not trading Parcells for Wade Phillips unless San Diego throws in the bay, the zoo, the mission and the USS Nimitz.”

Warming up in the bullpen ... Pete Townshend

To those who insist Detroit Tigers reliever Joel Zumaya hurt his arm last season by playing too much air guitar in his spare time, the pitcher has a ready reply: Long live rock!

Zumaya told the Detroit News that he refuses to give up playing the video game Guitar Hero, even though the Tigers believe that was the cause of his late-season forearm troubles.

“They had a tough time trying to find out what was wrong with my arm,” Zumaya said, “and I told them I was playing this guitar game. I don’t believe that’s what it was, and to tell you the truth, I haven’t stopped playing it.

“A lot of people have criticized me and told me, ‘Joel, put it away.’ But I’m still going to play it. Just not as often.”

Besides, injury risk or not, the game has its benefits for Zumaya.

“I even got free stuff from Guitar Hero,” he said, “because of all the publicity I gave it.”

Trivia answer

Third. Including postseason games, Schottenheimer’s record with the Chargers was 47-35 -- a .573 winning percentage. Sid Gillman’s .604 is the best in franchise history, followed by Bobby Ross’ .581.

And finally

Racing sausages update: The Milwaukee Brewers’ racing sausages went idle on Valentine’s Day. According to the Racine (Wis.) Journal Times, no one ponied up the $650 opening bid to have the four sausages show up at a loved one’s door for a special Valentine’s serenade.

It’s hard to figure out why. Must have been the other part of the deal -- four tickets to a Brewers game.

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mike.penner@latimes.com