Figures of speech

Who says the president isn’t a uniter? Nielsen ratings for Tuesday’s State of the Union address eclipsed even “American Idol.” Apparently, second-rate celebs humiliating third-rate amateurs didn’t measure up to first-rate political theater. Fade in a fading but determined Dubya, who wore his outreach hat while reaching into his war hat for another rabbit. Cue the obligatory standing-ovation rotation, alternately led by a dour, distracted Darth Cheney and a lip-bitingly nervous Madame Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Pan to the 2008 presidential hopefuls mugging for heir time. Now bring the chatterazzi to the foreground for background, and give the cartoonists a close-up as they shade the president’s domestic proposals with blame-duck political overtones. Man, those cartoonists are meaner than Simon Cowell.

-- Joel Pett