Got a beef with the Grim Reaper? Dispute resolution lives on

You think you can escape lawyers by dying? Not a chance.

Ira Mayer Aspiz of Huntington Beach, herself a lawyer, good-naturedly points out that “there remains a viable place for resolving disputes in the hereafter.” She noticed that the Westminster Memorial Park has a section for “mediation” (see accompanying).

Poor marketing approach: A while back, David Chan of L.A. observed a panhandler at the Wilshire Boulevard offramp to the Harbor Freeway holding a sign that said, “Homeless, Broke and Ugly.” Believe it or not, that approach evidently didn’t work out too well.

The other day Chan saw a new occupant of that area with a more positive sign. It said, “The Sexiest Bum.”

Dry humor: A chart in Thursday’s L.A. Times showed that rainfall for the just-ended 2006-07 season in L.A. was 3.21 inches, the lowest in 130 years of record-keeping. I was reminded of a sign snapped a while back by Kenneth Kopec of Yucaipa, which neatly summarizes the year (see photo).

Remember “A Boy Named Sue”? Carole Weinman of Granada Hills saw an ad for a male Chihuahua that was evidently wronged name-wise in the same manner as the character in the Johnny Cash song (see accompanying). Darlene, indeed.

What every government official needs: Weinman also spotted a job opening for someone who would seem ideal at plugging leaks (see accompanying).

Bummer: Hate to be the one to tell you this, but the New York Times quotes some writers who claim the Mayans predicted that the world would come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. Which is a Friday. Wouldn’t you just know it? Doomsday would have to ruin a weekend. Couldn’t be on a Monday.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about all the previous doomsdays I’ve been privileged to live through. A few of my favorites:

* Jan. 1, 2000: The Y2K computer crisis. The movie “Strange Days” also predicted a catastrophe for that date, with this blurb: “The only positive thing you can say about Los Angeles, 1999, is that the city is still standing.”

* May 8, 1993: Picked by psychics at a UFO conference -- and what more reliable source could you find?

* Oct. 17, 1992: Picked by a Jamaican Jewish clairvoyant during an L.A. news conference. “I have an antenna behind each ear,” he revealed, “and they throb when an earthquake is coming.”

* Jan. 22, 1991: Picked by a geologist who cited a larger-than-usual number of missing-animal reports in the L.A. Times classified section.

* May 10, 1988: Picked by followers of Nostradamus, the medieval prophet. Two disc jockeys from the coastline of Arizona came west in an effort to instigate the Big One with earthshaking jumping jacks.

* April 10, 1981, 5:31 a.m.: Picked by Wall Street guru Joseph Granville, who claimed to have insider information.

* June 9, 1980: Picked by a Hollywood evangelist who showed up 20 minutes late for his own news conference. He had overslept, he explained.

* Feb. 12, 1969: Inspired by the book “The Last Days of the Late, Great State of California.” The rock group Shango recorded a tsunami warning with these lyrics: “Do you know the swim? / You better learn quick, Jim / Those who don’t know the swim / Better sing the hymn.” Like the others, that prediction was out of whack, Jack.

miscelLAny: A survey by Pepsi found that 46% of working adults in L.A. have seen someone sleeping at work. Oddly enough, just 30% of Angelenos admit to have fallen asleep on the job themselves. Men were nearly twice as likely as women to doze off. The profession with the highest rate of admitted on-the-job snoozing was auto mechanics (65%), followed by government workers at 51%. Two of the most trusted professions....

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.