Pronger can’t fool them all with his tough persona

EVERY SO often I get a letter from a kid saying, “When I grow up, I want to be a sports writer just like you.”

I always respond the same way: “That means someday you will have to go to a hockey game,” and I never hear from them again.

No question, it’s a horrible thing when one of our local hockey teams does well. That’s why I remain so fond of the Kings, who stink every year. I think the best thing to happen to the Kings was putting Tim Leiweke in charge, and while I know he has sort of stepped aside, he relied on his own hockey expertise to pick his replacement.

It’ll be a while before anyone has to worry about going to a meaningful Kings game. But the Ducks are different. They’re on the verge of playing for the whole thing in hockey, which means now feigning some kind of interest.

NBC gave it a try Saturday, broadcasting a game between Ottawa and some other outpost only to discover the snoozer was going into overtime. That’s the kind of thing that could put a mainstream network out of business.

So to show everyone where hockey rates in this country, NBC switched from a playoff hockey overtime to another dying sport -- horse racing, and chose to broadcast the Preakness pre-race chatter.

No such problem Tuesday night. Versus was going to stick with the Ducks and Red Wings no matter what -- before switching over to this week’s episode of “The crazy things you can do with strawberries.”

I STOPPED by the Honda Center early Tuesday because Ducks Coach Randy Carlyle was going to be speaking. I was stunned to find other media present. I was there because I just wanted to see what the guy looked like before I covered a game.

“We’re a skating hockey club,” Carlyle revealed, and I noticed most of the reporters were writing it down. If only someone had told them earlier in life that this is how they were going to end up one day.

I moved to the room to find Chris Pronger. I know this because there was a sign above his head reading: “admit mistakes, errors, lapses in discipline.” It had to be Pronger, who was suspended a week ago for a lapse in discipline.

The first thing I noticed about Pronger was he was clean shaven. I had been led to believe it was a hockey tradition, kind of a team thing that no one shaved during the playoffs. “Too itchy,” he said, and this is the Ducks’ resident bully?

We’ve sparred on the morning radio show, but we’ve never met because that would’ve meant both of us would’ve had to go to a hockey game. He sent me tickets, but I believe it was my night to clean up the dog pen, or watch “Gilmore Girls.”

When it came time to meet one on one, Pronger wobbled and rolled over like a youngster who had forgotten to tie up his skates. I’ve had tougher interviews with Rex Hudler.

Pronger had taken a vow of silence with the media after his dirty hit, but spilled his guts on the morning radio show last Friday when confronted by Fred Roggin, who I believe asked him, “How you doing, big guy?” This is the Ducks’ so-called tough guy?

Turns out it’s all an act. No question the blowhard has a chip on his shoulder when it comes to the media -- as if there are that many people out there with notebooks who really care what he has to say. Someday he’s going to tell them all to disappear, and they will -- especially if they work for newspapers.

It doesn’t take long, though, to figure out it’s all an act with Pronger. He likes the idea the Canadian press has it in for him because no one in the American press knows he exists. But Public Enemy No. 1 in Edmonton is really just a sweetheart, a 6-foot-6 pretty boy with blond hair, a mischievous grin and wise-guy cracks for everyone. A defender who always like to be on the offensive.

If people had any interest in hockey around here and got to know him, he might even be as well known as Sasha Vujacic.

A FEW minutes into the hockey game, there was a break and four girls wearing tight black pants, and tight tops with bare midriffs skated out to clean up the loose ice. These are definitely not your Disney Ducks.

Up on the main concourse, girls with short-short skirts, black boots, tight tops and remember, I’m a paid observer, were conducting taste tests for beer. The girl wearing the “less filling” shirt seemed to be a walking contradiction, and I’m just here to report the facts.

Down on the ice, and I mention this because I know you weren’t watching, Pronger banged a puck off the skate of the Niedermayer with the biggest feet and it went into the net. Niedermayer got credit for the goal, the Ducks went ahead 1-0, and the fans seemed to be having a good time, but of course they would after taking the beer taste test over and over again.

The Ducks almost blew a 4-1 lead, and Pronger blamed the referees for that, saying, “It was penalty after penalty on weak calls ... I’m not going to talk conspiracy theory [about putting Detroit in the finals],” but then he was, although I’m sure he’ll blame the media for writing it down.

The Ducks won, and who cares what the referees did?

The guy’s a sweetheart, all right, with lots of charismatic possibilities playing here on the outskirts of the entertainment capital, but he could really use some media training. That would mean attending more hockey games.

The Ducks do have more hockey to play, beginning Monday.

But darn if it isn’t a holiday, and a day off for Page 2.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Ben d:

“Do you write for the Los Angeles Times? All you do is mess with the Dodgers. Go down and write for the Orange County weekly or something. Just leave. But yes, take Brett Tomko with you.”

No way -- we get on the I-5, and you know everyone is going to hit him.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.