A textbook case of mixed messages from Bryant

So Andrew Bynum, savaged by the Kobester last spring on a video because the Lakers chose to keep him rather than trade for Jason Kidd, says Monday morning he’s had “no contact” with Kobe Bryant since being blasted.

Bynum, the mature one in this case, even sympathizes with the teammate who has denigrated him, saying, “Who wouldn’t want to get Jason Kidd?”

He’s then asked again, and very specifically, “Have you had any interaction with Kobe Bryant?”

He says, “No, sir.”

This is odd, because back on July 20 in Las Vegas, when the Kobester and I were pals for a day, I wanted to know if the Kobester had spoken to Bynum since trashing him in an expletive-loaded rant.

I tape-recorded the Kobester’s answer, and put it in the newspaper the next day: “Yeah, I spoke to Andrew. We’re fine.”

I worry now, of course, about Bynum’s hearing and how he’s going to learn anything if he can’t hear. But then I know every player on the Lakers’ roster has just been given an extensive physical examination, so what’s going on here?

“Andrew and I didn’t talk,” the Kobester says a few minutes later in complete contradiction to his earlier deposition. And of all people, the Kobester should know that’s not good.

“But we texted each other,” the Kobester says, the old wily coyote. “That kid, he’s 17 years old . . .”

He’s 19 -- going on 20 at the end of the month, if we’re going to go with the facts here.

“I don’t think he knows how to answer a phone,” the Kobester says. “He texts. I was in Rome and I texted him and he hollered back. I just let him know I was sorry how that stuff came out.

“He said he understood kind of where I was coming from,” the Kobester added. “The frustration that I feel because I want to win right now. And that was that.”

This is really odd now, because it isn’t even an hour since Bynum has said “No, sir,” he’s had no interaction with Bryant since the Kobester ripped him, and now Bryant is telling everyone that Bynum is his text buddy.

So I go back to Bynum, tell him I need some clarification and ask if he’s been texting the Kobester, and he says, “No.”

I tell him about the Kobester’s remarks just minutes earlier, and how he says he was in Rome and they were exchanging text messages, and Bynum says, “Rome? Maybe that explains it; I didn’t get any text message,” or send any.

This makes the Kobester’s response, the one about Bynum understanding “kind of where I was coming from,” even more interesting.

Either the Kobester doesn’t mind fibbing when it’s being done to make him look like the good teammate, or he has an imaginary friend who does such a good imitation of Bynum, there are times when the Kobester thinks he’s really talking to the kid.

I’M NOT sure it matters anymore what the Kobester has to say. The big baby threw his tantrum a few months back, put himself in timeout and now has come back, “all smiles,” as he says. You believe him?

Seems to me, like any other unhappy employee when it comes time to work or just walk away, he’s elected to go to work.

There was never any question here -- no matter what he was trying to say in all his mixed messages -- that when this day arrived, the Kobester was going to surrender.

It was quite a shock, though, for ESPN’s Ric Bucher, who is also known as the Kobester’s unofficial spokesman. Bucher went on ESPN this summer to say Bryant will never again play in a Lakers uniform.

If the Kobester isn’t always going to give the straight scoop, no reason to expect it, I guess, from his unofficial spokesman. But that kind of stuff can play havoc with a journalist’s credibility.

But then again maybe the Kobester told Bucher he would never again play for the Lakers -- right after he got done talking to Bynum, everything fine now with the kid, and confirming it with a text to the 17-year-old.

RAN INTO Jeanie Buss, whose name appeared on a list of potential “Dancing With the Stars” candidates until she made it clear she has no dancing ability.

Too bad -- just imagine the look on her boyfriend’s face had they somehow matched her with current contestant Mark Cuban.

FUNNY SCENE. The media were encamped outside the Lakers’ locker room waiting for the Kobester, some wondering if he was going to show at all.

Up above, meanwhile, and clearly visible through the window, GM Mitch Kupchak was on the telephone, presumably screaming, “Help!”

LAMAR ODOM was asked if the Kobester did the right thing this summer, speaking out and in some cases trashing some of his teammates.

“I was always taught it was better to be honest,” Odom said.

A few minutes later he was asked about team chemistry and whether the players were going to have any problems with Bryant after his off-season remarks.

He said “No,” but then when asked if he would tell the truth if there were problems, he said, “Probably not.”

So much for what he was taught.

THE CLIPPERS, their season already over what with the loss of Elton Brand, still held media day a few hours after the Lakers held theirs. They weren’t serving food, however, so there was no reason to stay.

I PICTURE the Spanos Goofs hiding in a darkened San Diego theater, watching “The Game Plan,” only to find Milton Bradley sitting a few feet away.

“What are you doing here?” I can hear one of the Goofs saying.

“My season is over,” Bradley says.

“Ours too,” the Goofs reply together.

From the back of the theater comes a “shush.”

“I’d like to see the end of this football movie; I hear it has a happy ending,” says Marty Schottenheimer.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.