Players to watch at Wimbledon

World No. 1 Rafael Nadal, the defending champion, won’t be playing, yet they’ll still name a men’s singles champion. How cheeky. Chuck Culpepper takes a look at the story lines that will follow some of the tournament’s biggest names (world rankings in parentheses):

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Women’s draw

Venus Williams (3), United States: A sixth title for the reigning queen would tie Billie Jean King and Suzanne Lenglen in the stratosphere. Even though everybody knows Venus is up there already.

Serena Williams (2), United States: She’s 24-2 in the last four Grand Slams while ruing her dour 2008 Wimbledon final. Her only obstacle in this draw might be if she runs into Martina Navratilova in 1983.

Maria Sharapova (59), Russia: Wimbledon officials gave her a seeding of No. 24, proving they’re not beholden to some ditsy computer while the rest of us can’t continue normal respiration without signing on to Facebook five times per day.

Jie Zheng (16), China: She reached the 2008 semifinals with gorgeous backhands and quiet dignity. She clearly didn’t realize that on this planet quiet dignity pales next to the glory of preening narcissism.

Michelle Larcher De Brito (91), Portugal: The 16-year-old’s infamous screaming sounds roughly like a theatrical impersonation of someone being mauled by wild animals. And now she plays a country rich in tabloids. Oh, no.

Svetlana Kuznetsova (5), Russia and Dinara Safina (1), Russia: Neither has reached a Wimbledon semifinal, but because the former won the French Open and the latter played in both 2009 Grand Slam finals, we’re required to mention them.

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Men’s draw

Andy Murray (3), Britain: No British male has won Wimbledon since 1936, and apparently the 73 years of yearning all got stashed into a London storage unit to which they’re just cracking open the door. Jeez, it’s loud.

Roger Federer (2), Switzerland: Some claim that in seeking a sixth Wimbledon title in the last seven, the giddy French Open champion might suffer some Parisian hangover. Others claim that on the list of the world’s most justifiable excuses, the No. 1 spot goes to the Parisian hangover.

Andy Roddick (6), United States: Emboldened, svelte, choosing foods wisely, he could go deep into the thick of this. If he doesn’t, we invite the public to submit news conference questions for beleaguered reporters who’ve run out.

Robin Soderling (12), Sweden: The surprise French Open finalist’s ranking hopped only 13 places, proving again the huffiness of the ATP computer. Anybody who beat Rafael Nadal in Paris should get a ceremonial month at No. 1 plus a statue in some nice place with no pigeons.

Marat Safin (23), Russia: As a 2008

semifinalist, a mercurial genius and a

two-time Grand Slam titlist plays his last Wimbledon, a prediction: Audiences will

forgive his sudden and inexplicable outburst

of 2007 when he impugned Wimbledon pasta as wildly overpriced, maybe because they agreed.