Quips off the old block

For most adults of a certain age, life is divided in two segments. There’s the sleep-around, devil-may-care craziness one experiences before becoming a parent . . . and the sleep-deprived, filthy-housed lunacy that ensues afterward.

It’s this post-conception period that is exposed in “Afterbirth: Stories You Won’t Read in a Parenting Magazine,” a collection of humorous 37 first-person essays edited by Dani Klein Modisett, founder of the long-running Los Angeles spoken-word series of the same name.

Circumcision. Public urination. Bullying. The contributors to “Afterbirth” -- including Los Angeles authors Christie Mellor, Christopher Noxon and Brett Paesel, as well as Hollywood writers and actors Lew Schneider, Andrew McCarthy and Mo Gaffney -- don’t shy away from any of it. (All of them first performed their pieces as part of “Afterbirth’s” live shows.)

Emmy Award-winning writer Dana Gould, a father of two daughters, recounts how parenthood destroyed his interest in porn: “Look at all these DVDs starring someone’s daughter!!!” he writes. Emmy-nominated TV producer Marta Ravin sees a pile of spilled baby formula on her shiny granite countertop and thinks, “The last time I was looking at a mound of white powder on a shiny surface, it was definitely cocaine.”

With humor rather than earnestness, “Afterbirth” plumbs the emotional and diaper-filled depths of procreation. Featuring tales of adoption and infertility, highlighting struggles with breast-feeding and (allegedly) collapsible strollers, the pieces here skewer the fantasies of parenthood and do it with hilarious candor.

“All of this stuff is real,” says Modisett, a Los Angeles-based comedian who founded the Afterbirth spoken-word series 5 1/2 years ago. “What I consistently hear is, ‘It’s real but it’s funny,’ or ‘It’s funny because it’s real.’ There’s a sense of total identification and relief that you’re not alone.”

Modisett’s stories -- about forgetting to have a baby, as well as miscarrying a baby and dealing with the hormonal insanity of infertility treatments -- exemplify what she asks her contributors to write about: the relatable and emotionally charged moments that separate life’s before and after, distinguishing the carefree singletons from the dutiful balls with chains.

Modisett, 46, had her first child before her friends joined the parent trap. She felt alone among her peers, so she created Afterbirth to help get through it -- to know there was laughter amid the difficulties and joy “on the other side.”

The mother of two young boys, ages 6 years and 22 months, Modisett is still getting through it. And she hopes that “Afterbirth” will do the same for others, by offering stories that remove the preciousness from parenting and, as a result, the pressure to do it perfectly.

“I’m an idiot. What am I doing having a kid?” asks comedian and “Afterbirth” essayist Johanna Stein, posing a rhetorical question that resonates with many entertainment industry professionals who’ve chosen to have kids later in life. “My circle of friends can all relate to that. Like last week, I was gathering all my roaches and consolidating them into one joint and now I’m a parent?”

Stein, 41, was working on a pilot for a Disney television show when she and her husband had a daughter, Sadie, 2 1/2 years ago. The joy of her birth was tempered by the realization that their breast-fed daughter was starving.

“I had this hands-free pumping bra, and I was typing out the story while pumping and weeping,” Stein says of the time she spent writing “Spoiled Milk,” a bittersweet essay on lactation specialists with names like Binky, and a galactagogue (i.e., milk-producing) diet of oatmeal and Guinness beer.

“I really believe anything is a tragedy or comedy depending on your angle,” Stein says. “One minute you’re waking and baking and watching Victoria Principal infomercials, and the next you have this life. For me, the crystallizing moment was the night my kid pooped up my back in our bed. I was like, what just happened? You’ve moved into a new phase of your life and either you look at it as a tragedy and you mourn, or you go, this is funny.”

Stein and her (mommy-centric) views are only half of the equation. In “Afterbirth,” dads -- who are usually much less heard in stories of modern parenting -- get equal play. Almost half of the essays are from men.

Actor-writer Todd Waring writes about dropping the F- bomb on his teenage daughter, while “Mad Men” creator Matthew Weiner, a father of four boys, is chagrined to realize that he’s exactly like his dad, “with the hairy forearms and disciplining other people’s children and eating your Halloween candy while you sleep.”

“The gender lines are a lot less rigid,” says former “That ‘70s Show” executive producer Mark Hudis, who demonstrates his gift for cynical husband-and-wife banter in the essay, “The Gay Straight Dad.” “In the 1950s, Dad went to work and Mom stayed home, and now if Dad doesn’t have a full time job, he’s taking care of the kids and he feels emasculated, so he’s going to write about it or shoot himself in the mouth.”

Lucky for Hudis’ wife and 2-year-old son, he’s chosen the former route. He also hopes to keep performing once Afterbirth resumes its live L.A. shows in the fall. Currently, Modisett is touring for the book, with planned stops (featuring contributing parents/writers) in Boston, Chicago, San Francisco and Washington, D.C.

“What makes it consistently thrilling is what I call the reality theater aspect of it,” Modisett says. “These are real people. When you see the courage of these people actually speaking these words, it’s mind-blowing.”

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susan.carpenter@latimes.com