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Wanda Sykes on drag shows, Oscars slap and coming out to her family: ‘It was rough’

Wanda Sykes
Wanda Sykes.
(Max Hemphill / For The Times)
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Wanda Sykes often revisits her birth state of Virginia when she tours, sometimes staying at the historic Jefferson Hotel in Richmond. One night, after a gig and a few drinks, she returned to her room, sat in bed and watched TV in the dark. That’s when she noticed a mysterious figure seated in a shadowy corner.

“I was like, ‘All right, I’m going to ignore that,’” she says of what she thinks was the ghost of a Black woman. “It felt like a presence and I looked over. I wasn’t scared. It wasn’t like something that would harm me or anything. I thought maybe it’s an ancestor. I guess she’s just checking me out and is proud.”

The ghost had reason to be proud. Sykes has come a long way from an unremarkable upbringing in suburban Maryland to being an Emmy winner who sells out stand-up shows.

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Her new Netflix special, “I’m an Entertainer,” examines her formative years, grappling with her homosexuality and the challenges and joys of heading a mixed race family with her French wife, Alex Niedbalski, and their twin children.

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“She likes when I talk about her, but there is a line,” Sykes says about writing her wife into the act. “As long as it’s representative of what our relationship is, and as long as I don’t create this, ‘Oh, my wife is awful,’ type thing, she’s happy.”

Maybe skirting the line, Sykes offers an observation about entitlement. “I see a ‘No Trespassing’ sign, I don’t do it,” she explains, recalling how her wife might pick fruit off a neighbor’s tree if the bough hangs over the fence. “She feels totally free to do whatever she wants, where I and most Black people my age witnessed what happens to people of color if you do things that are out of line. Just because of the color of your skin, it’s viewed as suspicious in the wrong neighborhood. It’s sad that’s stuck in our brain, but it’s also some self-preservation toolkit we have.”

Other topics include her coming to terms with her sexuality, which she repressed for years, marrying record producer Dave Hall. Heterosexuality was a charade she felt compelled to maintain, mostly because she thought it was important to put the pleasure of others first. “I’m an entertainer!” is how she explains it, a phrase that became the show’s title.

Wanda Sykes.

She came out to her family about 20 years ago, well before she went public and married her wife in 2008 — a ceremony her parents refused to attend. “It was rough with them. But once you are loved and it’s like real love, then you don’t really have a problem telling anyone about it. And I think that was my case. We’re good now, but it was really hard.”

The new special lands at a time when LGBTQ+ issues are leading the public discourse as Republican governors and lawmakers target the community with restrictive measures such as the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill in Florida and anti-drag bills in 14 other states.

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“Drag shows? How did we get to drag shows? We got climate change, gas is through the roof, the guns, polluted water systems, and they’re worried about drag shows,” she laughs. “Instead of actually trying to come up with real policy and real ideas that will be beneficial to working people, they come up with these stupid points to deceive people and get their troops to the polls.”

The past year has been a whirlwind for Sykes, who co-hosted the Oscars last year when Will Smith slapped her friend and mentor Chris Rock. “It’s all so sad,” is all she had to say on the matter. “I just hope it never happens again.”

Wanda Sykes.

Earlier this year, she hosted “The Daily Show” for a week, an experience she savored but a job she wouldn’t want permanently. She’s got too much on her plate. Her company, Push It Productions, just signed a deal with Warner Bros. and she recently wrote and executive produced with one of her idols, comedy legend Mel Brooks, on the Hulu adaptation of his 1981 movie “History of the World: Part I.”

“I can’t even say it’s a dream come true, ‘cause I never dreamed that I would be able to work with Mel and let alone do ‘History of the World,’” she gasps.

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Sykes won her first Emmy in 1999. She’s since received a whopping 14 nominations, most recently in 2020.

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“Nominations are great. I’d rather be nominated than not nominated. And it’s so funny, I think I’ve lost to Tony Bennett and Beyoncé, and I think Bruce Springsteen’s body of work.”

It’s been years since the ghost visited Sykes in her hotel room. She imagines a lot of awful things might have happened in the suite where she slept. But she didn’t let that or the ghost keep her awake. “I slept well,” she says with a shrug, “real good.”

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