Poor Lisa Vanderpump. The “Dancing With the Stars” week that was supposed to represent the best year of the real housewife’s life turned into the worst ending when she and her hunky pro of a partner, Gleb Savchenko, were booted in the 16th season’s fourth week.
It made sense, really. Lisa had been ailing since she fainted during rehearsals last Friday. And though we didn’t know that she was vomiting in her trailer right before she decided to make a good show of it and perform Monday night, her fate was kind of written in the glitterverse stars. Not even her technologically savvy dog Giggy could have tweeted enough of his fans to save his owner.
Lisa herself wasn’t very much surprised with the result. In fact, she looked like she could use a nice long rest (which was what the doctor ordered). “It’s been six long weeks, and boy, has it taken its toll,” she said. “But I have been given a gift dancing with” Gleb, who is just so good-looking, and so supportive. When the backstage footage showed Lisa telling Gleb “We missed everything” after their wedding-themed routine, Gleb calmly assured her “It doesn’t matter.”
Fellow low-scorers Victor Ortiz and Lindsay Arnold had to walk the Green Mile down the long ballroom staircase alongside Lisa and Gleb, while Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess were deemed “in jeopardy” but not in the bottom two.
The show started off with the ladies – both our pros and the gals from the Troupe making good on their end of the deal by showing off their assets in a routine choreographed by our own Sharna Burgess. They started in flight attendant outfits, directing us toward the emergency exits. And then the uniforms came off and red Beyoncé-esque fringe numbers were bared underneath. “Who runs the world? Girls!” “I love this bit!” host Tom Bergeron exclaimed.
Head judge Len Goodman gave Alexandra Raisman another chance to improve her tumbling run (“I’ve been coaching her all day”) when he announced hers and Mark Ballas’ contemporary “Titanium” routine (which earned the highest score of the season) was selected as the encore dance this week. And Aly really showed her ability to take a note with another great, meaningful routine that had everyone on their feet, including the judges. “Just as nice seeing it twice,” Tom said.
“DWTS” is many things: bright, in-your-face, spangly. But it’s decidedly not a lightning rod for controversy. Which is perhaps why Brad Paisley sang “Southern Comfort Zone” rather than his other song with LLCool J when he revisited the ballroom. The glitterverse doesn’t see color, so long as it’s sparkly and spray-tanned and Peta Murgatroyd and Tony Dovolani are giving it all on the dance floor.
Val Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff were partnered by the Twitterverse and danced their spray-tanned hearts out to commercial. Karina was in colorful fringe. Val had his chest bared. Together, they made sparks on the dance floor.
The AT&T; Spotlight Performance was a lovely testament to resilience and the transformative power of dance. It introduced us to 17-year-old Brilynn Rakes, who dances despite being legally blind and only being able to see about 5 feet in front of her. Brilynn dances with how she feels, and her performance with Derek Hough, set to Grace Potter and the Nocturnals’ “Stars,” was incredibly moving and lovely and even more poignant because of the hurdles she’s had to jump to perform it.
Andrea Bocelli and Jennifer Lopez returned to the glitterverse to team up for a new rendition of “Quizas, Quizas, Quizas” from Andrea’s new album “Passione,” with David Foster on the piano as accompaniment. And Andrea’s voice was, as always, smooth like butter, and J. Lo was beautifully complementary, and she utilized a “DWTS”-sanctioned bedazzled microphone for her performance. But the real delight arrived when Val and Anna Trebunskaya (!) entered and burned it up on the dance floor. Anna was a vision in white and in great contrast to Val in his trademark black. And their smolder was a perfect complement to the commingling of voices up on the stage.
What do you think, ballroom fans? Did the right star go home this week? Looking forward to the side-by-side dances next week? If you were going to throw up, would you rather be like Peta Murgatroyd and Sean Lowe and throw up together? It’s always better in twos.