‘The Bachelor’ recap: And Sean gives his final rose to ...

I got everything I wanted out of Monday night’s “Bachelor” finale, but somehow I still don’t feel satisfied.

Sean chose Catherine, the bubbly, self-proclaimed weirdo who has been my favorite for weeks. Meanwhile, Lindsay -- who Sean long only seemed into due to a strong physical attraction -- didn’t get a Neil Lane sparkler.

But even after the picture-perfect proposal and reunion on the “After the Final Rose,” I didn’t find myself experiencing much emotion. Maybe that’s partly because I had a feeling this season would have a happy ending. Sean has done far more promotion during his turn as “The Bachelor” than any of the men in years past, leading me to believe that ABC wanted to flaunt him as a prime example of how the show really can lead to wedded bliss.

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But I feel like I should be happier that the two ended up together and seem like they have an actual shot at making it down the aisle. Because the thing is, I like Sean. Unlike “Bachelor” stars of years past, his kindness actually seemed genuine (uh, Jake), and he seemed to fully embrace the experience of being on the show (uh, Ben). He treated all of the women respectfully, had the Ken Doll looks, and was able to make fun of himself -- if you’ve followed his Twitter feed during the last month, you know what I’m talking about.

Despite all of his positive attributes, he wasn’t especially exciting for me to watch. Which I guess is what America likes, because the ratings this season have seen a boost. I get it. He’s the all-American archetype -- religious and Texan and family-oriented. I’m not saying he needed to pull a Jason Mesnick-level switcheroo to be interesting, but give me something, dude. OK, so he just wanted to talk in the fantasy suites because he’s a born-again virgin. Fine. But couldn’t he maybe break just one tiny rule? Tell a chick he loved her before the finale? Wear shoes with laces on the off chance they might come untied and trip him?

Blargh. I mean, yes, he and Catherine are really cute together -- although her giddiness post-proposal was a liiiiittle intense. “I’m addicted to you” and “you’re my prince”? Vom. Even putting that aside, I like her about 3 zillion and fifty times more than Lindsay. After Monday night’s episode, I believe it is fully plausible that the woman has never read a book. Also, she has a very unfortunate foot tattoo that was highlighted when she stepped out of her town car, and I feel that said ink would have thwarted her chance at a proposal even if Catherine ceased to exist.

Anyway, I guess Catherine is now going to move to Texas to live with Sean, and then the two are going to get hitched on national television. Though I’m sure it’ll be a thrilling special, I’d rather see Sean’s adorbs parents Sherry and Jay renew their vows and say they’re each other’s biggest fans. Can we make that happen, ABC?


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