This just in, from the archives of "Access Hollywood." Hillary Clinton is on her way by limousine, with Billy Bush in tow, to a donor dinner …
Hillary Clinton: I've been trying to get a campaign contribution from that guy for a long time.
Billy Bush: He used to be great. He's still very rich.
Clinton: I moved on him, actually. You know, he was down on Palm Beach. I moved on him, and I failed. I'll admit it.
Clinton: I did try to fund-raise him. He was a Democrat.
Bush: That's huge news.
Clinton: I moved on him very heavily. In fact, I took him out furniture shopping. He wanted to get some furniture. I said, "I'll show you where they have some nice furniture." I moved on him like a bitch. But I couldn't get there. Now, all the sudden I see him and he's like a big phony Republican. He has totally changed his politics.
[The limo pulls to a stop.]
Bush: Whoa, look at that rich guy! In the purple!
Clinton: Whoa! Whoa!
Bush: Yes, Hillary has scored. Whoa!
Bush: It better not be the publicist. No, it's him, it's —
Clinton: Yeah, it's him. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start fund-raising him. You know, I'm automatically attracted to rich — I just start fund-raising them. It's like a magnet. Just fund-raise. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it.
Bush: Whatever you want.
Clinton: Grab 'em by the wallet. You can do anything.
Bush: Uh, yeah, those dollars, all I can see is the money.
[Clinton waits in the car.]
Clinton: It's always good if you don't fall out of the limo.
Bush: Down below, pull the handle.
Clinton: Hello, how are you? Hi!
Hedge fund host in a purple silk shirt: Mrs. Clinton. How are you? Pleasure to meet you.
Clinton: Nice seeing you. Terrific, terrific. You know Billy Bush?
Bush: Hello, nice to see you.
Host: Doing very well, thank you. Are you ready to be a fund-raising star?
Clinton: We're ready, let's go. Make me a fund-raising star.
Bush: How about a little donation check for Hillary? She just got off the bus.
Host: Would you like a little donation check, darling?
Clinton: OK, absolutely. My husband said this was OK.
Bush: How about a little donation check for the Bushy?
Host: Bushy, Bushy.
Bush: Soon as a rich contributor shows up, she just, she takes off. This always happens. [Sighs.] Now, if you had to choose honestly between giving a check to one of us. Me or Hillary?
Clinton: I don't know, that's tough competition.
Host : That's some pressure right there.
Bush: Seriously, if you had to give one of us money...
Host : I'll have to take the Fifth on that one.
Host: I'll give twice. Make a right. Here we go [inaudible].
Bush: I'm gonna leave you here.
Bush: Give me my microphone.
Clinton: OK. Oh, you're finished?
Bush: We both are.
Jonathan Zimmerman teaches education and history at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the author of "Campus Politics: What Everyone Needs to Know."